Kelso's Choices at home: an unofficial parent guide
Life Scenario team · Published · Ages 6–14
How can I use Kelso's Choices at home?
Practice “Can we take turns?” or “I'm choosing something else” for a safe, ordinary disagreement your child connects with Kelso's Choices. Check what their school teaches and help them choose a response that fits. A child can always ask an adult for help, especially when frightened, hurt, or unsure.
No sign-up · about 2 minutes
Key takeaways
- Kelso's Choice is a named school program; ask how your child's school uses it.
- This unofficial guide uses original home examples.
- Check safety before asking a child to choose a problem-solving response.
- A small disagreement can still bring strong feelings and require adult support.
- Never make trying a set number of choices a condition of getting help with harm or fear.
Start with the words your child is hearing at school
Your child comes home saying they should use a Kelso choice when a sibling takes a game piece. You may recognize the name but not know the lesson, the school's expectations, or when adults are supposed to help. Ask the teacher for the approved family explanation. A shared understanding is more useful than guessing from a poster your child remembers.
The publisher's parent page distinguishes ordinary problems children may work on from serious situations needing adult help. It presents several possible responses, including making a request, arranging turns, taking a pause, or choosing another activity. This article is an independent, unofficial explanation and is not affiliated with or endorsed by Kelso's Choice. The examples here are our own; they do not reproduce the program's wheel, characters, or lessons.
At home, begin by checking what happened and whether everyone is safe. Two children wanting the same color pencil is different from one child repeatedly threatening another. Explain that a small problem is one a child may be able to try solving; their feelings still matter. Adult support remains available even when the child might eventually manage a similar situation independently.
4 phrases for choosing a specific response
1.“Can we take turns?”
Use this for an ordinary shared activity when both children have a fair opportunity to participate. An adult can help make the turn order clear.
2.“I'm choosing something else.”
Choose this when the child can safely leave an activity they no longer want to play. Your child can keep their turn even if another child complains.
3.“Please stop moving my pieces.”
Practice this for a clear boundary during a safe game. If the behavior continues or the child feels intimidated, help them get adult support.
4.“I need help working this out.”
Keep this available for any situation the child cannot manage or does not understand. The adult should listen before deciding what level of help is needed.
Move from reading “Can we take turns” to trying the words out loud. Life Scenario gives your child a situation with something difficult to answer, then feedback, and more situations like it to practise.
No sign-up · about 2 minutes
What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
“That's a small problem. Go away.” | “Tell me what happened, then we'll choose some help.” | Sending the child away before hearing the account can miss a repeated pattern or a safety concern; listen first and decide whether support can be brief or needs more attention. |
“You must try two things before telling me.” | “You can get me whenever you're worried or unsure.” | The publisher describes trying choices for ordinary problems, but safety help must not depend on a quota; children should not have to prove they tried hard enough before adults listen. |
“Just ignore them until they stop.” | “You can move away, and I'll check what is happening.” | A child may ignore a minor irritation; get adult help if the same person keeps targeting them. |
“Make a deal so everyone is happy.” | “Let's make a deal both people can accept.” | Compromise can help with ordinary choices. Tell an adult about threats, unwanted touch, or repeated harm. |
What do I say when my child brings home Kelso's Choices?
Ask your child for an ordinary example they remember from school. Then ask the teacher how families are invited to support the learning. If the school offers an official parent handout, use it for the program's terminology. You can still keep your home conversation in everyday words that your child understands.
Choose one safe situation at home, such as two people wanting to choose the next song. Ask for two possible arrangements. Try alternating songs or doing something else together. Check that both options could work and that each person gets a say. Avoid presenting one adult-approved answer as a choice if the child has no real say.
Rehearse the request and the response. When your child asks for a turn, show how to agree on when the turn starts. When they choose another activity, help them leave respectfully. Include an example where the first idea does not work and the child asks for help. That step matters as much as choosing an independent response.
After a disagreement, ask which choice helped. Did the arrangement give both people a turn? Did the other child respect the boundary? Did adult help arrive when needed? Change the specific setup if necessary. More copies of a choice chart will not fix a situation where the rules are unclear or one person is allowed to ignore the other's needs.
What if the problem should not be left to the child?
What if another child keeps doing the same thing?
Look at the pattern, the power difference, and whether the child can safely leave or participate. Repeated targeting needs adult action. Do not restart the choice exercise after every incident as if the previous attempts never happened.
What if the school says it is only a small problem?
Share the specific events and explain any fear, injury, repeated behavior, or effect on participation. Ask what adults will do and when they will follow up. If the problem continues, contact the next person in the school's complaints process.
What if my child has very strong feelings about a minor dispute?
Help them settle enough to describe the event and consider options. The specific problem may be small while the feeling still needs time and support. Avoid using the size label as a correction to their emotional reaction.
What if my child cannot use the school's phrases?
Discuss accessible alternatives with staff, such as a shorter request, a visual signal, or adult prompting. The child should not lose access to help because a sentence is difficult to remember or produce. Keep the focus on the situation and the support needed.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Practice one familiar home disagreement with an adult nearby. Demonstrate a short request and make the next step visible. Do not expect a young child to classify every problem accurately before approaching you. | “Can you help us take turns?” |
| 9–11 | Ask what the school means by its terms and discuss examples that do and do not fit independent problem-solving. Help the child notice repeated patterns. Their ability to explain options does not remove the need for adult supervision. | “We tried a turn, but it didn't happen.” |
| 12–14 | Use words and examples that fit your child's age. A teenager can consider options in group work or shared activities while still asking for help. Check which resources their school actually uses. | “We made a deal, but it didn't happen.” |
Key terms
- Kelso's Choice
- A named conflict-management program described by its publisher as teaching responses to ordinary problems and recognizing situations that need adult help.
- Small disagreement
- Here, an ordinary, safe difference that may have a specific solution the children can try with support. The phrase does not measure how much someone is allowed to feel.
- Adult help
- Help an adult can provide by listening, protecting someone, or acting on a problem. It remains available when a child is unsure how to handle a situation.
Give your child 10 free practice scenarios
No card to start. No subscription, ever.
Try one short round together: your child hears a social situation, answers out loud in their own words, and gets feedback. Some situations include a no, a mistake, or an awkward response to handle. Life Scenario has ten free scenarios, no card to start, and no subscription; you can use the feedback for a short conversation afterward.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
Can I use Kelso's Choices at home?
Ask the school what family guidance it provides and consult the publisher's official parent information. This page offers original, unofficial examples for everyday practice. It does not replace the curriculum or supply its artwork.
What do I say when my child brings home Kelso's Choices?
Ask what they have learned and invite one example. Check your understanding with the teacher before assuming a particular rule about adult help. Then practice a short request in a safe home situation.
Must a child try choices before reporting bullying?
No. A frightened or targeted child can seek adult help directly. Ask adults to address repeated harm promptly.
Does a small problem mean the child should have small feelings?
No. The specific situation and the child's emotional experience are different questions. Help with both instead of treating strong feelings as proof that the child is using the program incorrectly.
Should I copy the wheel for my child?
Use official resources provided or authorized by the school or publisher. This article does not reproduce that material. For an ordinary home conversation, a couple of plain-language options may be enough.
What if none of the choices works?
Listen again and check whether the situation needs more adult involvement or a different arrangement. If the first idea fails, help your child choose what to try next. Keep help available and address the actual obstacle.
Sources
- Kelso's Choice, Parent Page (accessed 2026): The official parent page distinguishes ordinary problems from serious situations needing adult help and describes several possible responses.
- StopBullying.gov, Support the Children Involved (accessed 2026): Bullying is not an equal conflict to leave children to resolve; adults should provide support and follow-up.
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