What to say when your child doesn’t know what to say

Short lines a child can use, sorted by situation. For ages 6 to 14.

Find the one that sounds like your week.

Friendships and being left out

Nobody will play with me
He comes home and says nobody played with him again.
When the best friend starts leaving them out
They were inseparable all last year. Now her best friend sits with someone else and says the table is full.
When your child is left out
The group moves away when she comes over at recess. She hears about their plans afterwards.
What to say to a bossy friend
Her best friend picks every game, makes up the rules and changes them when she starts losing.
My child is a pushover with friends
He gives his friends his snack, his turn and his homework answers, then comes home upset that they always get their way.
Always picked last for teams
Every PE lesson it’s the same. The captains pick, the line gets shorter, and he’s the one still standing there.
“You can play if…”: when kids set conditions
She came home and said Ella told her she could play, but only if she was the dog. Again.
Jealous of a best friend's success
A child likes their best friend but feels upset when the friend wins, succeeds, or has something they want.
When your child feels rejected
Your child turns a difficult day with classmates into a painful conclusion about who they are.
Changing schools because of loneliness
Your child cries at breakfast and begs to go to a different school, because lunch and recess are lonely every single day.
Conversation starters for kids
Your child wants to get to know someone and gets stuck before the first sentence, or straight after a one-word answer.
When a friend controls who can play
A friend gets upset or threatens to end the friendship whenever your child chooses someone else.
Friendship problems
Your child has a friendship problem, but you are unsure whether they need help joining in, repairing a disagreement, or getting away from repeated harm.
How kids can make friends
Your child can sometimes begin a conversation but does not know how to turn an acquaintance into someone they see again.
When kids call your child annoying
Classmates use an unkind label, and your child starts describing themselves with it.
Making friends in middle school
Your child is starting middle or secondary school, old friends are in other classes, and finding company between lessons feels difficult.
Nobody's first choice
Your child has people to spend time with but feels that everyone would choose somebody else first.
Sitting alone at lunch
You discover that your child eats alone and are unsure whether they prefer quiet or feel excluded.
When friends are mean
Your child reports hurtful behavior from friends they still care about, and you are unsure whether to comfort, coach, or intervene.

Teasing and bullying

How to respond to teasing
Someone at her table jokes about her lunch every day, and the others laugh along. Now she doesn’t want to sit there.
When kids tease your child about glasses
It was his first week in glasses. By Friday he was taking them off before he got to the classroom.
What to say to a bully
He comes home and tells me what they said. He knew he should say something back. He just couldn’t think of anything fast enough.
“Pink is for girls” teasing
He came home and pushed his pink T-shirt to the back of the drawer. The boys at school said pink is for girls.
Teased for not having a phone
She’s ten, she’s the only one in her class without a phone, and now they’re calling her a baby for it.
Assertive, not aggressive
One of mine lets everyone walk over her. The other snaps so hard he’s the one who ends up in trouble. I want both of them somewhere in the middle.
My child won’t tell the teacher
Every evening she tells me what the girls at her table did. When I ask if she told the teacher, she says she can’t, because she’d be a snitch.
Anti-bullying role play for kids
You want to practise a safe response before your child faces another difficult school day.
Called fat at school
Your child comes home after another student comments on their body and asks whether the insult is true.
When the group calls it banter
Several children target your child together, then tell adults that everybody was just playing.
Teased about looks
Comments about hair, height, skin, or clothes leave your child hurt or wanting to change how they look.
When your child cries after teasing
Your child is upset about the teasing and ashamed that other kids saw them cry.
Pushed at recess
Your child reports being pushed in the playground, and you need an immediate safety plan and a clear account for school.
Picked on every day at school
Small comments keep happening across the school day, but each one is dismissed as too minor to act on.
When a friend makes fun of your child
Your child enjoys a friendship but feels hurt by jokes the friend keeps making at their expense.
When kids call your child names
A child keeps hearing an unwanted nickname or insult at school.
Contacting the other parent
A parent is considering contacting another family after their child has been hurt or excluded.
When you want your child to hit back
A parent feels the school has failed to protect their child and is considering advice to hit back.
If your child is being bullied
Your child has described repeated mistreatment, and you need a specific plan for protection, school contact, and follow-up.

Big feelings and family life

Why reassurance before a game doesn’t work
We tell him every time that winning doesn’t matter. Every time he loses, the board goes flying.
Angry when losing video games
He loses one round, restarts, loses again, and five minutes later the controller hits the wall.
Size of the problem at home
A broken pencil gets the same screaming as a lost pet, and a real worry sometimes gets no reaction at all.
Good sportsmanship: what to say
When he loses he sulks, and when he wins he rubs it in. I honestly don’t know which is worse.
Siblings fighting: what each child can say
They fight over the tablet, the front seat, who looked at who. Every fight ends with both of them shouting “he started it,” and I end up shouting too.
When a child brags about winning
A child is delighted to win but keeps comparing themselves with the other player.
When a child gets angry easily
A no, a change of plans, or a small disappointment quickly becomes shouting, and your family is unsure how to respond.
When a child says it's not fair
A child calls a limit, different sibling rule, or shared decision unfair and cannot explain the objection.
When everyday things feel scary
New places, unfamiliar activities, or ordinary requests feel frightening to your child, and reassurance is not helping much.
Circle of control for everyday worries
Your child keeps going round the same worry: whether a friend will say yes, who will be picked, what the teacher will decide.
Help with big emotions
Your child is overwhelmed, and you want to help them name the feeling, get through the moment safely, and decide what happens next.
When a child needs a social break
A child enjoys a friend but wants quiet time before the visit is over.

Honesty and doing the right thing

“Say sorry!”: what to say instead
He knocked his sister’s tower over, and the only way I got a “sorry” was through gritted teeth.
When your child lies to fit in
She told her whole class she has concert tickets. We don’t.
Brought home a friend’s toy
I found a little toy car in his coat pocket after the playdate. It isn’t ours, and he says he doesn’t know how it got there.
Bucket filler words for everyday kindness
Your child comes home saying they are supposed to be a bucket filler, and neither of you is sure what they should actually say.
When a child lies to avoid trouble
“Did you do your homework?” “Yes.” The book is closed, you both know it, and the argument is now about whether you believe them.
Honesty scenarios to practice at home
You want your child to tell the truth when it is awkward, and lectures about honesty have not made much difference.
Teaching kids respect
Your child answers sharply, interrupts, or dismisses another person's idea, and reminders to be respectful are not specific enough.
Teaching kids to be kind
You have said “be kind” a hundred times, and you are not sure your child knows what to actually do when a classmate is sitting alone.
When a child finds it hard to say no
A child knows a choice is wrong but joins in because friends encourage it or they are afraid of losing their place in the group.
Tattling vs. telling
Your child is unsure whether reporting a problem makes them a tattletale, or reports every small rule violation.
When your child is the unkind one
Your child has excluded, mocked, or insulted someone, and you want to help them stop.

School and confidence

They know what to say but don’t say it
She can tell you exactly what she should have said. At school, nothing comes out.
When your child won’t ask the teacher for help
He sat stuck on the worksheet for the whole lesson. He likes his teacher; he just didn’t want to bother her.
Starting a new school mid-year
We moved in February. He started a school where every group formed in September, and he says nobody needs a new friend.
Afraid to raise a hand in class
A child knows an answer but is worried about volunteering in front of classmates.
When a child gives up easily
The drawing goes in the bin after one wobbly line, and the new instrument stays in its case after the first lesson.
When a child calls themselves stupid
After a mistake in schoolwork, music, or sport, a child calls themselves stupid and rejects reassurance.
Confidence through small everyday steps
A child wants to try an everyday task or make a request but does not feel confident enough to begin.
Self-esteem for kids
Your child turns everyday setbacks into a judgment about themselves and struggles to believe they have anything worthwhile to offer.
A shy child's first team practice
A child wants to try a sport but hangs back at the first practice because the team, coach, and routines are unfamiliar.

Online and phones

Kicked out of the group chat
She was removed from the class chat on Sunday night. By Monday they had a new one, and she wasn’t in it.
A stranger in Roblox asked where they live
A player he met in Roblox asked which town he lives in and what school he goes to.
No phones at lunch: starting a conversation
Phones are locked away all day now, and she says lunch is just sitting there with nothing to say.
When the group chat turns nasty
Repeated mocking messages or pictures target your child, and the harassment follows them into another class or year-group chat.
Leaving a group chat
Your child wants to leave a busy or uncomfortable chat but worries about the reaction at school.
An inappropriate video in the chat
Your child has received an upsetting video in a group conversation and is unsure whether to tell you.
Screenshots and rumors in a group chat
A private message has been copied into a group conversation, and your child fears everyone believes the story attached to it.
A picture request online
Someone online has asked your child for a picture, and the child feels unsure, pressured, or worried about saying no.

Skills and practice ideas

Social skills for kids, by age
She’s 9 and still hangs back when other kids are playing. I can’t tell what’s normal for her age, or what to work on first.
30 role-play scenarios for kids
Everyone says to role-play with him. I never know which situation to pick, or what a good answer is supposed to sound like.
Apps for shy kids: an honest guide
At home he never stops chatting. At school, at a party, at a restaurant, he goes silent and looks at me.
Games for practicing fair play
Your child understands what a good sport is and still storms off when the dice go against them.
I-statements children can actually use
A child wants to explain a feeling or make a request during an ordinary, safe disagreement.
Social skills activities to try at home
You want something practical to do with your child this week that makes conversations and friendships a little easier.
Choosing a social skills app
You have searched for a social skills app and found long lists that do not say what a child actually does in each one.
Social skills games to try together
You want a game for the weekend that also gives your child practice at taking turns, listening or losing without a scene.