“They keep picking on me in the group chat”: what your child and you can do
Life Scenario team · Updated · Ages 6–14
What should I do when kids are bullying my child in a group chat?
Your child should stop replying, put the phone down and tell you: “They keep picking on me in the group chat.” No comeback is needed. Then the adults act: save the relevant messages, block and report the accounts in the app, and ask the school to deal with the classmates involved.
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Key takeaways
- Adults need to stop the repeated targeting.
- Leaving a harmful chat is a protective step; adults still need to address the behavior afterward.
- Save the relevant ordinary messages privately, and don't copy any images or video that could be illegal.
- Coordinate with school staff when the targeting involves students, including a new school during a transition.
- Check whether the same children are contacting yours through other accounts or at school.
When the audience makes the hurt feel inescapable
Your child may have already asked for the messages to stop, blocked one account, or tried to look unbothered. Now another picture appears in a different group, or someone adds them back after they leave. The worry is no longer just one message. They may be imagining every person in tomorrow's classroom having seen it.
Say, “You have tried to get away from this. I'm going to help.” Ask about the immediate situation and whether the child feels safe at home and at school. Put aside the search for the perfect reply. A child who is repeatedly targeted should not have to manage a public audience while adults wait to see whether they can handle it. If the group says it was only a joke, read our guide for when the group calls it banter.
Leaving can feel like losing access to classmates and useful information. Take that cost seriously while arranging protection. Ask the school to send essential updates another way. Help your child stay in touch with friends who treat them well while adults deal with the harassment. If your child is in a chat where a classmate is the one being targeted, see what they can say when a group chat is being mean to a classmate.
4 things your child can say when the group chat turns nasty
1.“They keep picking on me in the group chat.”
The first telling, to you or a teacher. “Keep” is the word that matters: it says this is repeated, which moves it from one bad evening to something the school has to deal with.
2.“I left, but they added me again.”
For the adult helping with the settings and the school. It shows your child already tried to get out and was pulled back in, so the next step belongs to adults and the app's controls.
3.“I'm worried about seeing them tomorrow.”
Said the evening before school. What was on a screen becomes a problem at the gate, on the bus and at break, and this line lets adults plan for those places.
4.“Can I get the class information another way?”
For a teacher. Leaving the chat usually means missing homework and timetable changes, and that cost keeps many children in a chat that hurts them. Asking removes the reason to stay.
A rehearsal can make it easier to tell an adult “They keep picking on me in the group chat.” In Life Scenario a child of 10–14 can try a nearby moment, a group whose online jokes turn on them, and get gentle feedback to go over with you.
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What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
“Just ignore it and they'll get bored.” | “You can stop replying, and adults will address it.” | Ignoring leaves the pattern in place; the school can deal with the children sending the messages. |
“Send a comeback they won't forget.” | “You don't need to answer them.” | Another reply can keep the child inside a public exchange that is already hurting them. |
“Leaving lets them win.” | “Leaving protects you while we deal with what happened.” | The child's safety should not be treated as a contest with the group. |
“It's online, so school can't help.” | “Let's explain how it affects your school day.” | Staff can plan support more easily when they know how it shows up in the school day. |
What do I say when my child has already tried everything?
Try, “You don't have to keep proving that you want it to stop.” Write a short timeline together if your child is able: when the targeting began, attempts to leave, and what happened next. Let them stop if recounting it becomes too much. Give staff the information you have and ask what they need next.
Record the repeated pattern: when it began, which accounts were involved, and whether it continued after blocking or leaving. Australia's eSafety Commissioner advises saving this before anything is deleted: the app used, the usernames, the times and dates, and how often it happened. Our guide to screenshots and rumors explains how to handle a message taken out of context. For a one-off uncomfortable conversation, see how to leave a group chat. In this guide, the next step is getting adults to stop harassment that is still going on.
Ask the school staff member responsible for protecting children how they will stop the harassment. If the harassment is following your child from one school to the next, ask both schools to share what each needs to know. Name the students and places involved, and ask staff how to share any evidence privately. Ask who will meet your child and how further targeting will be reported.
Rehearse a short private conversation with that adult. You play the staff member and invite your child to name the next difficult moment. They might say they are worried about the bus or sitting beside someone in class. Respond with an adult action, then explain when you will check back. Do not role-play the humiliating comments or require the child to practise appearing unaffected.
What if blocking and leaving do not stop it?
What if someone keeps adding my child to new groups?
Go through the app's current settings together and report the unwanted contact in the app. Tell school staff about the pattern when other students are involved. If the messages start again, your child can stop replying and put the phone down.
What if the school offers a joint friendship meeting?
StopBullying.gov says conflict resolution and peer mediation do not work for bullying, because it is not a conflict between people of equal power. Explain any fear, intimidation, or imbalance of power before agreeing to a shared conversation. Ask staff to prioritize safety and avoid making the targeted child negotiate an end to bullying. A relationship exercise should not replace protection or pressure the child into forgiving someone.
What if my child begs me not to tell anyone?
Ask what they fear will happen and include that in the protection plan. Explain who you need to tell and what you will share. Let your child help choose how to contact school; you remain responsible for getting help.
When is urgent or professional help needed?
Report threats, pressure to send pictures, or harmful imagery through the suitable child-protection service. Consult a qualified child health professional when distress affects sleep, attendance, eating, or usual activities. If your child may hurt themselves or is in immediate danger, stay with them and get urgent local help.
Where to get urgent help
If your child may hurt themselves, stay with them and seek urgent help; call local emergency services for immediate danger.
For urgent emotional support: in the US call or text 988; in the UK call Childline on 0800 1111; in Australia call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800; in Canada call Kids Help Phone on 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | The messages may be on a shared device or a game, and the child may struggle to explain the audience. Help them put the screen down and find a trusted adult. Handle contact settings and school messages yourself, using what your child has told you. | “Please help. They keep being mean to me.” |
| 9–11 | Make the help route specific: which teacher, where to find them, and what to do if they are absent. Check whether online targeting appears in playground behavior as well. Arrange for school updates to come directly from staff. | “I need help with what happens at recess too.” |
| 12–14 | Acknowledge the fear of public embarrassment and avoid surprising your child with a broad parent message. Explain the necessary school contact privately and ask about the parts of the day they most want protected. Respect their input while following through on adult safety responsibilities. | “Can we make a plan before I go in tomorrow?” |
Key terms
- Online harassment
- Repeated or persistent harmful contact online; adults should consider the pattern and its effects across settings.
- Blocking
- A service feature that limits contact from an account; its effect varies and it may not prevent contact through other accounts or groups.
- Safety plan
- An agreed set of adult actions and help routes that addresses specific risks and includes a time to check whether protection is working.
Give your child 10 free practice scenarios
No card to start. No subscription, ever.
In Life Scenario your child hears a moment close to this one, a group whose online jokes turn on them, answers in their own words and gets gentle feedback. Ask afterwards which reply felt hardest to say, and why.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
What should I do first about group chat bullying?
Ask your child to stop replying and put the phone down. Save the messages that show what happened, without copying any images or video that could be illegal. Then block and report the accounts in the app, and tell the school which classmates are involved. Your child does not need a comeback.
What should my child reply to a mean group message?
Nothing, when the messages are harassment or intimidation. They can leave and tell a trusted adult. Avoid searching for a comeback that makes the child responsible for controlling the group.
What do I say when my child feels everyone has seen it?
Say, “That feels like the whole class is watching. Which part of tomorrow worries you most?” Listen to how exposed your child feels, then work with school staff on that specific worry.
Is leaving the chat enough?
Not on its own. Leaving can reduce immediate exposure, but adults should still address repeated targeting and its offline effects. Arrange another route for necessary information. Review whether unwanted contact continues elsewhere.
Should I take screenshots of everything?
No. Keep only the relevant ordinary text messages, and keep them private. The eSafety Commissioner warns against saving nude or sexual images of anyone under 18, which is usually illegal. Do not make your child search for more material, and follow official reporting guidance for the type of content involved.
Is being mean in a group chat cyberbullying?
It is bullying when the messages are repeated, or could be, and there is a power imbalance, such as a group against one child. That is how StopBullying.gov defines bullying, and it notes that bullying also happens on the internet. A single rude message is still worth telling an adult about.
Should I message the other children's parents?
Usually not. StopBullying.gov advises parents to resist the urge to contact the other families, because it may make matters worse, and to let the school act as the go-between. Give the school the names and the record instead.
What if the behavior moves to the new school's group?
Tell the school staff member responsible for protecting children that the targeting is continuing. Ask for coordination and a clear arrival support plan. If your child changes school, help the new staff understand the history.
How do we know the response is working?
Watch whether your child is still being contacted and whether school feels safer in the specific places that worried them. Ask the named school contact how the agreed actions are going and whether the harassment has stopped.
Sources
- StopBullying.gov, Support the Children Involved (accessed 2026): Adults should never tell a child to ignore bullying, should be persistent and follow up, and should resist contacting the other parents because it may make matters worse; conflict resolution and peer mediation do not work for bullying, which is not a conflict between people of equal power.
- StopBullying.gov, What Is Bullying (2024): Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and is repeated or has the potential to be repeated; it can also happen on the internet.
- eSafety Commissioner (Australian Government), How to collect evidence (accessed 2026): Advises preserving evidence before content is removed: the service used, usernames, times and dates, and how often the person was targeted. Warns not to save nude or sexual images or videos of anyone under 18, which is usually illegal.
- eSafety Commissioner (Australian Government), What you can report to eSafety (accessed 2026): Cyberbullying of a child should first be reported to the service or platform, which is often the fastest way to have content removed; in Australia it can then be reported to eSafety if the platform does not remove it. Reporting routes differ by type of online harm.
- 988 Lifeline, Get help (accessed 2026): The US 988 Lifeline offers support by calling or texting 988.
- Childline, Get support (accessed 2026): Children in the UK can call Childline on 0800 1111.
- Kids Helpline, Phone counselling (accessed 2026): Kids Helpline in Australia can be reached on 1800 55 1800.
- Kids Help Phone, Get support (accessed 2026): Kids Help Phone in Canada offers phone support on 1-800-668-6868 and text support by sending CONNECT to 686868.
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