My child is in a group chat that’s being mean to a classmate
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 8–14 · Online and group chats
Your child doesn’t have to make a speech in the chat. The safest options are: don’t react, post one short line like “Not funny, guys, leave it”, or leave the chat. Then tell a parent or teacher, and send the classmate something kind privately. Showing you the messages is not snitching; it is how it stops.
The situation, as your child sees it
You’re in the class group chat. Someone starts making fun of a classmate who isn’t in it: a nickname at first, then an edited photo. People send laughing emojis. It keeps going.
You feel uncomfortable, but everyone else seems to be joining in. Then someone asks you to post something too.
Also happens as: a classmate’s name changed to something silly; a photo turned into a meme; rumours about someone added to by everyone.
Three things a child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 6–8
- “That’s mean. Stop.”
- Ages 9–11
- “Not funny, guys. Leave it.”
- Ages 12–14
- “This is getting weird. Drop it.”
One short line in the chat, then nothing more. It gives others who feel the same a reason to stop, without your child becoming the next target in a long argument.
- Ages 6–8
- “I don’t want to send anything.”
- Ages 9–11
- “Nah, I’m good.”
- Ages 12–14
- “I’m out of this one.”
For when someone asks your child to add something. It refuses without a lecture, and it can be followed by muting or leaving the chat.
- Ages 6–8
- “Hi, do you want to play at lunch?”
- Ages 9–11
- “Hey, saw what’s going round. Just so you know, not everyone thinks it’s funny.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Hey, you’ve probably seen the chat. Some of us think it’s messed up. You okay?”
Sent privately to the classmate, not in the group. Knowing even one person is on their side matters a lot to a child being targeted.
What you can say next
- “Thank you for showing me. You’re not in trouble.”
- “You didn’t have to fix it yourself. Telling me was the right move.”
- “How do you think she’d feel if she saw it?”
- “Let’s take screenshots in case the school needs them.”
If it keeps happening. Screenshot the messages with names and dates, then tell the school. Most schools have a process for online behaviour between pupils, even outside school hours. If an edited photo of a child is being shared, ask the school to get it removed quickly.
Questions parents ask
Should my child leave the group chat?
Leaving is fine and often the simplest option. They can do it quietly, or with one line (“This isn’t my thing”). Take screenshots first if the school may need them.
Will my child get in trouble for being in the chat?
Being added to a chat isn’t wrong. Joining in is. Tell your child that showing you is always safe, even if they sent an emoji they now regret.
Should I contact the other parents?
Usually the school is a better route, especially when several families are involved. Messages between parents can escalate quickly.
My child is 8. Should they be in class group chats at all?
That’s a family decision. If they are, agree the rules first: you can see the chat, and they come to you when something feels wrong.
What if my child posted something mean?
Help them delete it, apologise to the classmate privately, and decide together whether the school needs to know. Owning it early is far better than being found out.
Related situations
Sources
- StopBullying.gov, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services — What kids can do (last reviewed March 8, 2022) (2022): When kids see bullying they can tell a trusted adult and be kind to the child being bullied; staying silent can make it worse. Online, kids should not share anything that could hurt or embarrass anyone. A child being teased can ask the other child to stop in a calm, clear voice, or try to laugh it off if joking comes easily.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.