My child is in a group chat that’s being mean to a classmate
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 8–14 · Online and group chats
Developing digital empathy and the courage to intervene
Children can feel caught between fitting in with a group chat and protecting a classmate being mocked. Online distance can make the harm less visible, while peer pressure makes speaking up harder.
What is your child learning?
This situation creates opportunities to practise digital awareness, empathy, social awareness and relationship skills. Listen for whether your child thinks about the classmate being mocked, and about which adult they could tell.
How parents and educators can support the learning
Explore choices such as refusing to join in, privately supporting the targeted child, saving evidence where appropriate and involving a trusted adult. Do not encourage children to confront unsafe situations alone.
Try asking:
- How might the absent classmate feel?
- What happens if everyone stays silent?
- What could you do safely?
- When should an adult step in?
What your child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 8–9
- “That’s mean. Stop.”
- Ages 10–11
- “Not funny, guys. Leave it.”
- Ages 12–14
- “This is getting weird. Drop it.”
Your child posts this once and then stops. Others who feel the same now have a reason to stop too, and there is no long argument that could make your child the next target.
- Ages 8–9
- “I don’t want to send anything.”
- Ages 10–11
- “Nah, I’m good.”
- Ages 12–14
- “I’m out of this one.”
When someone asks your child to add something, this turns it down without a lecture. Muting or leaving the chat can come straight after.
- Ages 8–9
- “Hi, do you want to play at lunch?”
- Ages 10–11
- “Hey, saw what’s going round. Just so you know, not everyone thinks it’s funny.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Hey, you’ve probably seen the chat. Some of us think it’s messed up. You okay?”
This goes to the classmate directly, away from the group. A child who is being targeted takes a lot from knowing that even one person is on their side.
The bigger life lesson
Digital citizenship includes noticing when someone in the chat needs support, as well as not causing harm yourself.
Explore the situation. Discuss the emotions. Practise a response. Build a life skill.
Related situations
Guides for parents on this
Sources
- StopBullying.gov, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, What kids can do (last reviewed March 8, 2022): When kids see bullying they can tell a trusted adult and be kind to the child being bullied; staying silent can make it worse. Online, kids should not share anything that could hurt or embarrass anyone. A child being teased can ask the other child to stop in a calm, clear voice, or try to laugh it off if joking comes easily.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.