“My child is being bullied”: What to do in the first week
By the Life Scenario team · Published · For parents of children 6–14
What should I do if my child is being bullied?
If your child is being bullied, help them reach safety and tell a trusted adult, “This keeps happening. I need help.” Listen, record what happened, and contact school about protection. Set a follow-up date and escalate promptly when danger or continued harm requires it.
Key takeaways
- Protect the child now; a first-week plan is not a reason to wait when there is danger.
- Help your child move away and find an adult.
- Keep a factual written record and ask for the school's anti-bullying policy.
- Agree specific adult actions, a named contact, and a date to check whether protection is working.
- Use the focused guides below for the child's situation instead of expecting one sentence to solve every form of harm.
Start today with safety and a clear account
Thank your child for telling you and check whether they are safe now. Ask what happened, where, and whether it has happened before. Let them pause; they do not need a complete timeline before adults can help.
Bullying involves an imbalance of power and repetition or the potential for repetition. You do not need agreement on the label to report harmful behavior or ask for protection. Record the child's own account separately from information you have not confirmed.
Contact school promptly and use child-protection or emergency services for immediate danger. Explain the next part of the day that worries your child. Ask how they will reach a safe adult, including when their usual teacher is unavailable.
4 things your child can say to a trusted adult about bullying
1.“This keeps happening. I need help.”
Tell an adult that this has happened before and explain where the latest incident took place.
2.“I'm scared to go there again.”
Explain which place or activity needs protection before adults ask the child to return to it.
3.“I told someone, but it hasn't stopped.”
Use this with another trusted adult when an earlier report has not led to effective help.
4.“Can we make a plan for tomorrow?”
Ask the adult exactly where your child can go and who will help.
What not to say (and what to say instead)
“Why didn't you stand up for yourself?”
“I'm glad you told me; adults will help.”
Protection must not depend on the child's ability to confront someone.
“Hit them back.”
“Move toward an adult who can help.”
Retaliation can increase harm and does not replace a protection plan.
“Just ignore it.”
“You can stop replying while we address it.”
Disengagement needs adult follow-up.
“It will be fixed tomorrow.”
“I'll tell you what adults have agreed to do.”
Specific commitments are more honest than promising an outcome you cannot control.
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
| “Why didn't you stand up for yourself?” | “I'm glad you told me; adults will help.” | Protection must not depend on the child's ability to confront someone. |
| “Hit them back.” | “Move toward an adult who can help.” | Retaliation can increase harm and does not replace a protection plan. |
| “Just ignore it.” | “You can stop replying while we address it.” | Disengagement needs adult follow-up. |
| “It will be fixed tomorrow.” | “I'll tell you what adults have agreed to do.” | Specific commitments are more honest than promising an outcome you cannot control. |
What do I say when school asks what I want them to do?
In the first school contact, ask for the anti-bullying policy and a meeting or clear response from the responsible staff member. Provide a factual written record with dates, places, and reported actions. Keep ordinary message evidence private and follow official guidance for sensitive material.
At the meeting, ask who supervises the difficult places, how the child gets help, and what happens after another incident. Agree when the school will update you. Do not wait for that date if risk increases.
During the week, check whether the arrangements actually happened. Ask whether the places you reported now feel safer. Update the written record and share relevant changes with the school contact.
If protection is ineffective, keep a written record and move through the school's complaints process. In the US, StopBullying.gov lists the teacher, school counselor, principal, district superintendent, and state Department of Education. Seek urgent protection straight away if danger increases.
In England, raise the concern with the school and headteacher, then follow its published complaints procedure through the governing body or academy trust. GOV.UK explains the academy trust's panel stage and when the Department for Education can consider a complaint. Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland have their own processes; check the school's local guidance.
In Australia, use your school's and state's complaints process. For example, Victoria's government-school policy allows escalation from the school or principal to the education department's regional office if the issue remains unresolved. Other states and non-government schools have their own routes; ask for the relevant policy.
Find the words for what happened
Teased about looks, height, glasses, or clothes? Start with teasing about appearance for a short personal reply. If your child comes home in tears, crying after teasing covers comfort, a calm reply to try, and asking for a quiet moment with an adult.
Called names again and again? Use the name-calling guide for “Use my name, please.” For a pattern that staff keep missing, being made fun of at school shows how to describe when it happens.
Pushed or hit? First check safety and injuries. Being pushed at recess covers telling staff what happened; should I tell my child to hit back explains leaving and getting help, plus how to give the whole account if your child already hit back.
Afraid telling will make things worse? A child who won't tell the teacher may need a private reporting plan. Before messaging another family, read whether to contact the other parent.
Targeted online? Repeated humiliation in a group chat needs adults to stop the continuing contact. If the immediate problem is a cropped message spreading, start with screenshots and rumors.
Ready to practice one step? Anti-bullying role play offers short, voluntary scenes for reaching help. If your child worries that asking is tattling, explain tattling versus telling together.
What if the first response does not protect my child?
What if staff minimize it?
Describe observable actions and effects on participation or safety. Request a written plan and escalate through the school's process if the response remains inadequate.
What if they propose peer mediation?
Explain any power imbalance or fear and ask for protection first. Bullying should not be treated as an equal disagreement the targeted child must negotiate.
What if my child also behaved badly?
Address that action while continuing to protect them. Ask adults to consider the full sequence instead of letting one response erase the original concern.
When is outside help urgent?
Use local emergency services for immediate danger and child-protection services for serious threats or abuse. If your child mentions self-harm, stay with them and seek urgent support.
Where to get urgent help
If your child may hurt themselves, stay with them and seek urgent help; call local emergency services for immediate danger.
For urgent emotional support: in the US call or text 988; in the UK call Childline on 0800 1111; in Australia call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800; in Canada call Kids Help Phone on 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
- 6–8
- Arrange a named adult and show where to find them. Help the child give a short account using words, pictures, or their usual communication method.
- “Please come. I don't feel safe.”
- 9–11
- Ask about repeated incidents and fear of retaliation. Coordinate school support privately.
- “This happened before, and I need help.”
- 12–14
- Discuss privacy and online contact as well as school spaces. Include the child in specific choices while keeping protection an adult responsibility.
- “Can I talk to you after class? It's kind of private.”
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Arrange a named adult and show where to find them. Help the child give a short account using words, pictures, or their usual communication method. | “Please come. I don't feel safe.” |
| 9–11 | Ask about repeated incidents and fear of retaliation. Coordinate school support privately. | “This happened before, and I need help.” |
| 12–14 | Discuss privacy and online contact as well as school spaces. Include the child in specific choices while keeping protection an adult responsibility. | “Can I talk to you after class? It's kind of private.” |
Key terms
- Bullying
- Aggressive harmful behavior involving a power imbalance and repetition or the possibility of repetition.
- Written record
- A factual account of reported incidents, adult contacts, agreed actions, and subsequent changes.
- Escalation
- Taking an unresolved concern to the next responsible person or authority through the relevant process.
Questions parents ask
What do I say when my child first tells me?
Thank them and check immediate safety. Listen to what happened and thank your child for telling you.
Should I wait a week before escalating?
No. Act as soon as help is needed. Escalate promptly when danger or an ineffective response calls for it.
Do I need proof before contacting school?
You can report a concern based on your child's account. Separate confirmed facts from uncertainty and ask the school to assess and protect.
Should I confront the other child?
Avoid doing that. Use the school's reporting process or the relevant child-protection service.
What if the school cannot tell me the other child's punishment?
Ask instead about the actions protecting your child and how progress will be reviewed. Privacy limits do not prevent a discussion of your child's support.
Can one comeback stop bullying?
No sentence can promise to control another child's behavior. Prioritize moving toward safety, telling a trusted adult, and effective adult follow-up.
Related
Sources
- StopBullying.gov — What Is Bullying (2024): Bullying involves a power imbalance and repetition or the potential for repetition.
- StopBullying.gov — Support the Children Involved (2026): Adults should support targeted children, address harmful behavior, and avoid treating bullying as equal-power peer conflict.
- StopBullying.gov — Get Help Now (2025): The US guidance lists teacher, counselor, principal, superintendent, and state Department of Education as contacts for unresolved school bullying.
- eSafety Commissioner — How to collect evidence (2026): Evidence should be handled privately, and potentially illegal images must not be copied or circulated.
- 988 Lifeline — Get help (2026): The US 988 Lifeline offers support by calling or texting 988.
- Childline — Get support (2026): Children in the UK can call Childline on 0800 1111.
- Kids Helpline — Phone counseling (2026): Kids Helpline in Australia can be reached on 1800 55 1800.
- Kids Help Phone — Get support (2026): Kids Help Phone in Canada offers phone support on 1-800-668-6868 and text support by sending CONNECT to 686868.
- GOV.UK / Department for Education — Complain about a school: state schools (2026): In England, families should first contact the school and then follow its formal complaints procedure; the guidance explains when DfE can consider a complaint.
- GOV.UK / Department for Education — How DfE handles complaints about academies (2026): An academy's procedure must allow an academy-trust panel hearing after an unresolved written complaint.
- Victoria Department of Education — Complaint Resolution: Policy (2026): Victoria's government-school policy allows escalation to the regional office when school-level resolution fails or the complaint concerns the principal.
- GOV.UK / Department for Education — Best practice guidance for school complaints procedures (2021): The England guidance describes escalation through the headteacher and a governing-body committee for maintained-school complaints.