“My child is being bullied”: what to do in the first week
Life Scenario team · Updated · Ages 6–14
What should I do if my child is being bullied?
First check your child is safe now, thank them for telling you and listen. Write down what happened, where and when, then contact the school and ask for a named adult, specific protection and a date to review it. If it continues, escalate through the school's complaints process. Call emergency services for immediate danger.
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Key takeaways
- If your child is in danger, act today. The first-week plan covers everything else.
- Help your child move away and find an adult.
- Keep a factual written record and ask for the school's anti-bullying policy.
- Agree with school what the adults will do, who your contact is, and when you will check that it is working.
- For the words your child needs, use the guide below that matches what happened.
Start today with safety and a clear account
Thank your child for telling you and check whether they are safe now. Ask what happened, where, and whether it has happened before. Let them pause; they do not need a complete timeline before adults can help.
StopBullying.gov defines bullying as aggressive behavior that involves an imbalance of power and is repeated or likely to be repeated. You do not need agreement on the label to report harmful behavior or ask for protection. Record the child's own account separately from information you have not confirmed.
Contact school promptly, and call emergency or child-protection services for immediate danger. Tell the school which part of the day worries your child most, and ask how your child will reach a safe adult, including when their usual teacher is away.
What to say to your child when they tell you
Three short sentences cover the first minute: “Thank you for telling me.” “This is not your fault.” “I'm going to help.” StopBullying.gov tells adults to listen and focus on the child, and to assure them that bullying is not their fault. Then ask what happened and let them tell it in their own order.
Some replies make a child less likely to tell you again. StopBullying.gov says never to tell a child to ignore the bullying or to fight back. A question that starts with “Why didn't you” sounds like blame, and “It will stop tomorrow” is a promise you cannot keep. Before you contact anyone, tell your child what you plan to do next, so nothing the school does comes as a surprise.
4 things your child can say to a trusted adult about bullying
1.“This keeps happening. I need help.”
The opening line for a teacher, a counselor or you. “Keeps happening” tells the adult this is a pattern and not one bad day, which is what separates bullying from a single falling-out. Your child can add where the latest incident took place.
2.“I'm scared to go there again.”
For naming the place: the bus, the changing room, a corner of the playground. It tells adults where protection is needed before anyone sends your child back there, and it is easier to say than a full account of what happened.
3.“I told someone, but it hasn't stopped.”
For a second adult, when the first report changed nothing. It makes clear that help was already asked for, so the answer cannot be “tell a teacher” again, and it tells you the plan needs to change.
4.“Can we make a plan for tomorrow?”
For the end of the conversation with a teacher or with you. It turns sympathy into specifics: where your child goes at break, which adult they find, and what happens if it starts again.
Stopping bullying is the adults' job. Practice can make telling an adult less frightening, and in Life Scenario your child rehearses a small, safe version: a classmate hurts someone and the teacher asks who saw what happened.
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What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
“Why didn't you stand up for yourself?” | “I'm glad you told me; adults will help.” | Your child gets protected whether or not they can face the other child. |
“Hit them back.” | “Move toward an adult who can help.” | Retaliation can increase harm and does not replace a protection plan. |
“Just ignore it.” | “You can stop replying while we address it.” | Not replying can help in the moment, but only if adults are dealing with the behavior too. |
“It will be fixed tomorrow.” | “I'll tell you what adults have agreed to do.” | You can promise what the adults will do. You can't promise how the other child will behave. |
What do I say when school asks what I want them to do?
In the first school contact, ask for the anti-bullying policy and a meeting or clear response from the responsible staff member. Provide a factual written record with dates, places, and reported actions. Keep screenshots of messages private. Do not copy or forward sexual images; follow official guidance for that material.
At the meeting, ask who supervises the difficult places, how the child gets help, and what happens after another incident. Agree when the school will update you. Do not wait for that date if risk increases.
During the week, check whether the agreed arrangements actually happened, and ask your child whether the places you reported feel safer now. Add any changes to the written record and pass them on to your school contact.
If the protection isn't working, keep a written record and move through the school's complaints process. In the US, StopBullying.gov lists the teacher, school counselor, principal, district superintendent, and state Department of Education. Seek urgent protection straight away if danger increases.
In England, raise the concern with the school and headteacher, then follow its published complaints procedure through the governing body or academy trust. GOV.UK explains the academy trust's panel stage and when the Department for Education can consider a complaint. Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland have their own processes; check the school's local guidance.
In Australia, use your school's and state's complaints process. For example, Victoria's government-school policy allows escalation from the school or principal to the education department's regional office if the issue remains unresolved. Other states and non-government schools have their own routes; ask for the relevant policy.
Find the words for what happened
Teased about looks, height, glasses, or clothes? Start with teasing about appearance for a short personal reply. If your child comes home in tears, the guide on crying after teasing covers comfort, a calm reply to try, and asking for a quiet moment with an adult.
Called names again and again? Use the name-calling guide for “Use my name, please.” For a pattern that staff keep missing, the guide on being made fun of at school shows how to describe when it happens.
If your child was pushed or hit, check safety and injuries first. Being pushed at recess covers telling staff what happened; the guide on “should I tell my child to hit back” explains leaving and getting help, plus how to give the whole account if your child already hit back.
A child who won't tell the teacher because they fear it will make things worse may need a private reporting plan. Before messaging another family, read whether to contact the other parent.
Repeated humiliation in a group chat needs adults to stop the continuing contact. If the immediate problem is a cropped message spreading, start with screenshots and rumors.
Anti-bullying role play offers short, voluntary scenes for reaching help, if you want to practise one step together. If your child worries that asking is tattling, explain tattling versus telling together.
What if the first response does not protect my child?
What if staff minimize it?
Describe what was done and what it has changed for your child, such as lunches they now skip or a route they avoid. Ask for the plan in writing, and use the school's complaints process if the response stays weak.
What if they propose peer mediation?
Explain the power imbalance and your child's fear, and ask for protection first. StopBullying.gov says peer mediation does not work for bullying, because it is not a conflict between people of equal power.
What if my child also behaved badly?
Deal with what your child did, and keep protecting them. Ask the school to look at the whole sequence, so your child's reaction doesn't cancel out the original report.
When is outside help urgent?
Use local emergency services for immediate danger and child-protection services for serious threats or abuse. If your child mentions self-harm, stay with them and seek urgent support.
Where to get urgent help
If your child may hurt themselves, stay with them and seek urgent help; call local emergency services for immediate danger.
For urgent emotional support: in the US call or text 988; in the UK call Childline on 0800 1111; in Australia call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800; in Canada call Kids Help Phone on 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Arrange a named adult and show where to find them. Help the child give a short account using words, pictures, or their usual communication method. | “Please help me. They won't stop.” |
| 9–11 | Ask about repeated incidents and fear of retaliation. Arrange school support quietly, so other children don't see it. | “This happened before, and I need help.” |
| 12–14 | Talk about privacy and online contact as well as places at school. Let your child help choose how things are done, while the adults stay responsible for keeping them safe. | “Can I talk to you after class? It's kind of private.” |
Key terms
- Bullying
- Aggressive harmful behavior involving a power imbalance and repetition or the possibility of repetition.
- Written record
- Dates and facts: what happened, who you contacted, what was agreed and what changed afterward.
- Escalation
- Taking a concern that hasn't been resolved to the next person up, following the school's or authority's process.
Give your child 10 free practice scenarios
No card to start. No subscription, ever.
Pick a calm moment for this one. A classmate gets hurt and the teacher asks what happened; your child answers in their own words and gets gentle feedback. Talk the feedback over with them, especially how it felt to speak up to the teacher.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
What do I say when my child first tells me?
Say, “Thank you for telling me. I'm going to help.” Check that they are safe right now, then listen to what happened.
Should I wait a week before escalating?
No. Escalate as soon as there is danger or the school's response isn't protecting your child.
Do I need proof before contacting school?
No. You can report a concern based on your child's account. Separate confirmed facts from uncertainty and ask the school to assess and protect.
Should I confront the other child?
No. Use the school's reporting process or the relevant child-protection service.
What if the school cannot tell me the other child's punishment?
That is normal: StopBullying.gov notes that the law does not allow school staff to discuss discipline or services given to other children. Ask instead about the actions protecting your child and how progress will be reviewed. The school can still talk to you about your child's support.
Can one comeback stop bullying?
No sentence can control another child's behavior. Put getting to safety and telling a trusted adult first, and make sure the adults follow up.
How do I report bullying to the school?
Ask for the anti-bullying policy, then send the responsible staff member a factual written record: dates, places, and what was done, in your child's words where possible. Ask who supervises the places where it happens, which adult your child goes to for help, and when the school will update you.
What do I do if the school does not stop the bullying?
Keep the written record going and use the school's complaints process. In the US, StopBullying.gov lists the next contacts as the district superintendent and the state Department of Education. In England the route runs through the headteacher and the governing body or academy trust; in Victoria, Australia, through the education department's regional office. Seek urgent protection at any point if danger increases.
Should I tell my child to ignore the bully?
Not as the whole plan. StopBullying.gov says adults should never tell a child to ignore bullying. Your child can stop replying in the moment, but that only helps when adults are also dealing with the behavior.
Sources
- StopBullying.gov, What Is Bullying (2024): Defines bullying as unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.
- StopBullying.gov, Support the Children Involved (accessed 2026): Tells adults to listen, assure the child that bullying is not their fault, work with the school to protect the child and follow up; never to tell the child to ignore the bullying or to fight back. Says conflict resolution and peer mediation do not work for bullying, because it is not a conflict between people of equal power, and that the law does not allow school staff to discuss discipline or services given to other children.
- StopBullying.gov, Get Help Now (2025): For a child being bullied in school, lists the contacts as the teacher, school counselor, school principal, school superintendent and state Department of Education; says to call 911 if there has been a crime or someone is at immediate risk of harm.
- eSafety Commissioner, How to collect evidence (accessed 2026): Advises keeping evidence such as screenshots, usernames and the location of the content for a report. Says not to take screenshots or photos of illegal and restricted content, especially child sexual exploitation material, and not to save nude or sexual images of anyone under 18.
- 988 Lifeline, Get help (accessed 2026): The US 988 Lifeline offers support by calling or texting 988.
- Childline, Get support (accessed 2026): Children in the UK can call Childline on 0800 1111.
- Kids Helpline, Phone counseling (accessed 2026): Kids Helpline in Australia can be reached on 1800 55 1800.
- Kids Help Phone, Get support (accessed 2026): Kids Help Phone in Canada offers phone support on 1-800-668-6868 and text support by sending CONNECT to 686868.
- GOV.UK / Department for Education, Complain about a school: state schools (accessed 2026): In England, families should first contact the school and then follow its formal complaints procedure; the guidance explains when DfE can consider a complaint.
- GOV.UK / Department for Education, How DfE handles complaints about academies (2020): An academy's procedure must allow an academy-trust panel hearing after an unresolved written complaint.
- Victoria Department of Education, Complaint Resolution: Policy (2025): Victoria's government-school policy allows escalation to the regional office when school-level resolution fails or the complaint concerns the principal.
- GOV.UK / Department for Education, Best practice guidance for school complaints procedures 2020 (2021): The England guidance for maintained schools places the duty for a complaints procedure on the governing body and recommends two stages, the second an appeal heard by members of the governing body who consider the complaint afresh.
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