“They keep teasing me”: how your child can respond, by type of teasing
Life Scenario team · Updated · Ages 6–14
How should my child respond when other kids tease them?
Match the reply to the teasing: “I like it” for teasing about interests, “Stop. I don’t like that” for name-calling, “Okay, that one wasn’t funny” for a friend’s joke that went too far. Keep it short and calm, then walk away towards other people. Repeated, one-sided teasing is bullying: an adult must step in.
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Key takeaways
- Not all teasing is the same. A friend’s joke, a comment about what your child likes and a group mocking them every day need different answers.
- The best replies are short, calm and a little boring. A big reaction is what keeps teasing going.
- Clever comebacks mostly backfire for children: they escalate, and they are hard to produce in the moment anyway.
- Calm on the outside takes practice. Rehearse the line and the neutral face together, at home, before it is needed.
- Teasing that is repeated, one-sided and meant to hurt is bullying, and stopping it is an adult’s job.
First, which kind of teasing is it?
When a child says “they keep teasing me”, it can mean very different things. A friend makes the same joke about their drawing every day. Someone calls them a name at recess. A group laughs every time they walk past. Each of these needs a different reply. If the class laughed once at a slip, such as a wrong answer or calling the teacher “Mum”, that moment has its own page among our scenarios, “Classmates laughed at my child in class”.
Nemours KidsHealth notes that most children get teased by a sibling or friend at some point, and that teasing which is playful, mutual and funny to both sides is not usually harmful. It crosses a line when it becomes hurtful, unkind and constant. Before you hand your child a reply, ask a couple of plain questions: Who was teasing? What was it about? Has it happened before? The answers tell you which of the lines below to practise.
5 calm comebacks your child can use when kids tease them
1.“I like it.”
For teasing about what your child wears, eats, watches or enjoys. Three flat words with no defence attached. Explaining why the thing is good invites an argument; simply liking it leaves the teaser with nowhere to go.
2.“Stop. I don’t like that.”
For name-calling, mocking, or copying your child’s voice or walk. Said once, firmly, then your child walks away towards other people instead of waiting for a reply. The walking away is half of the line.
3.“Okay, that one wasn’t funny.”
For a friend whose joke went too far. It tells the friend where the edge is without ending the friendship, and most friends will back off once they know. If the same friend keeps crossing it, that is a different conversation.
4.“Whatever.” (and walk)
For a group laughing or whispering where there is no single person to answer. Your child shrugs, says the word and moves towards someone friendlier. Arguing with a group almost never ends well for the child on their own.
5.“Yep, that was funny.”
For a laughed-at mistake, like a wrong answer, a trip or calling the teacher “Mum”. Laughing along takes the power out of it in seconds, because there is nothing left to laugh at. It only works when joking comes easily to your child, so do not force it.
Saying a calm “Stop. I don’t like that” while the whole row is laughing takes rehearsal, so practise this kind of moment with your child before it comes round again. About this practice scenario
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What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
“Just ignore them.” | “Say ‘Stop. I don’t like that,’ then walk over to someone else.” | Ignoring gives your child nothing to do while the teaser watches their face; a short line plus walking away is a plan. |
“Think of a good comeback.” | “Try something short and boring, like ‘I like it.’” | Clever comebacks escalate and are hard to produce when upset; a flat reply leaves the teaser nothing to work with. |
“They’re just jealous.” | “Thank you for telling me. That sounds horrible.” | Explaining the teaser’s motives skips over your child’s feelings; thanking them for telling keeps them telling you. |
“Don’t let them see you cry.” | “If you feel tears coming, you can say ‘I’m going to the toilet.’” | An order not to cry adds pressure; an exit line gives your child a way out if the tears come anyway. |
“If they keep going, hit them back.” | “Walk away and tell a teacher straight away.” | Hitting back usually gets the child who was teased into trouble; bringing in an adult is what stops repeated teasing. |
What do I say when the reply does not work?
What if they keep going after “Stop”?
Your child has done their part. Now the plan is to leave, stay near adults and other children, and tell a teacher. The reply was only there to get your child out of the exchange in one piece.
What if your child cries in front of them?
It happens, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Practise a single line for that moment too (“I’m going to the toilet”) so there is a way out. Separately, rehearse keeping a neutral face: it takes practice, but a calm face gives teasers less to feed on.
What if your child wants a clever comeback?
Insults and put-downs tend to make things worse: they escalate, can get your child into trouble and are hard to deliver when upset. If your child wants something with a bit of bite, “Wow. Okay.” with a shrug carries plenty of attitude without starting a war.
What if it’s the same children, every day?
Then it has become bullying: repeated, deliberate, one-sided meanness that the school needs to know about. Write down what happened and when, and take it to the teacher. Your child’s job is to say “Stop” and walk away. Solving it is up to the adults.
What if it happens online or in a group chat?
Do not reply to it. Screenshot it, leave the chat if possible, and tell an adult. Online laughter can be forwarded and repeated, so it needs adult help sooner.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Teasing is usually about mistakes, bodies and “baby” things. Keep to two lines: “Stop. I don’t like that” and “I like it.” Young children also need permission to tell an adult straight away. At this age, telling a teacher is a good plan and doesn’t count as telling tales. Practise the line with a toy playing the teaser if your child finds it easier. | “Stop. I don’t like that.” |
| 9–11 | Teasing gets subtler: eye-rolls, “joking” about crushes, laughing in group chats, sarcasm like “wow, you’re so funny.” The flat reply matters even more now, because older children watch closely for a reaction. “Okay” and a shrug is often the strongest thing a 10-year-old can say. By this age, help your child tell the difference between a friend teasing and a group targeting them. | “Wow. Okay.” |
| 12–14 | Most teasing now happens in front of an audience or online: screenshots, reactions in a group chat, a nickname that spreads. In person, a flat, bored “Right. Anyway.” still works best. Online, the strongest move is often no reply, a screenshot, and telling a trusted adult. Talk about the difference between a joke the whole group is in on and one aimed at a single person; at this age your child can learn to spot it and say so. | “Right. Anyway.” |
What do I say to my child the evening it happens?
Listen first, then praise them for telling you. Children often keep this kind of thing quiet because they feel embarrassed or worry you will overreact. “Thank you for telling me. That sounds horrible” is a better start than any advice.
Then, on a calmer evening, pick one line and practise it together. Play the teaser, gently, and let your child reply and walk off. Swap roles so they hear how the line sounds from the other side. Three or four rounds are enough; the aim is a reply that comes out calmly at the first try.
Key terms
- Playful teasing
- Mutual joking between friends where both sides find it funny and it stops when someone is upset.
- Hurtful teasing
- Laughing at someone that is one-sided, unkind or keeps going after they have asked it to stop.
- Bullying
- Repeated, deliberate hurtful behaviour, including name-calling and mocking, where one side has more power. A good reply won’t stop it on its own; adults need to act.
- Flat reply
- A short, calm, unexciting answer (“I like it”, “Okay”) that gives teasers no reaction to enjoy.
Help with the kind of teasing your child describes
For comments about hair, height, glasses, or clothes, start with teasing about looks. There are also guides to being called fat and teasing about glasses.
Comments about interests or belongings have their own guides: being teased for liking pink and not having a phone. For labels aimed at the child, see handling name-calling and being called annoying.
If your child is upset by their own reaction, start with crying when teased for comfort and a calm reply to practise. For the relationship or pattern, see a friend who makes fun of them, a group calling it banter, and being picked on repeatedly at school.
For a wider picture of what your child is feeling afterwards, see helping a child with big emotions.
Give your child 10 free practice scenarios
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The reply has to come out calmly, first time, with people watching, which is much easier when your child has said it before. Your child hears teasing moments like these and answers aloud, with gentle feedback each time. You can use what it says for a few minutes of talk once things have settled.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
What do I say to my child when other kids laugh at them?
First: “Thank you for telling me. That sounds really hard.” Ask who laughed and what at, so you know whether it was a one-off or a pattern. Then, on a calmer day, practise one short reply together.
What to do when your child is being teased at school?
Work out which kind of teasing it is. For a one-off laugh, practise a light reply. For repeated name-calling or a group targeting your child, write down what happened and when, and tell the teacher. That is bullying, and it is the school’s job to stop it.
Should my child laugh it off?
Sometimes. Laughing along works well for a laughed-at mistake, and only when joking comes easily to your child, which is also how StopBullying.gov puts it. For insults or repeated teasing, a calm “Stop. I don’t like that” and walking away is safer.
How should my child respond to a bully?
Calmly and briefly: “Stop. I don’t like that,” then walk away towards other people and tell an adult. Short, neutral replies help; insults and put-downs tend to escalate, can get your child into trouble and are hard to produce when upset.
Is name-calling a form of bullying?
It can be. Teasing between friends is mutual and stops when someone is upset. Name-calling becomes bullying when it is repeated, deliberate and one-sided: the same children, again and again, aiming to hurt. That needs adults involved.
My child laughs along but comes home upset. What do I do?
Laughing along can be a way of getting through the moment. Tell your child they do not have to find it funny, and practise a line for when it isn’t: “Okay, that one wasn’t funny.”
Should I contact the other child’s parents?
Usually not first. Teachers or school counsellors are the better first contact, because they can see what happens at school. If you do speak to the other parents later, it goes better with someone from school there to help.
Sources
- Nemours KidsHealth, Helping Kids Deal With Bullies (2023): Most kids get teased by a sibling or friend at some point; teasing is not usually harmful when playful and mutual, but crosses into bullying when it becomes hurtful, unkind and constant. Kids can firmly tell the bully to stop and walk away, and not reacting takes a lot of practice.
- StopBullying.gov, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, What Kids Can Do (2022): Kids can tell the child bullying them to stop in a calm, clear voice, or try to laugh it off — which works best if joking is easy for them; if that feels too hard or unsafe, walk away and find an adult.
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