“They keep calling me names”: what your child can say
By the Life Scenario team · Published · For parents of children 6–14
What should I do when other kids call my child names?
For an unwanted nickname, your child can say “Use my name, please,” then leave if it continues. They do not owe anyone a comeback. Let them explain an upsetting word privately. Repeated insults, threats, or a group joining in need adult action, even when the word seems harmless.
Key takeaways
- Ask what happened around the word: who used it, where, and whether your child could leave.
- An unwanted nickname can hurt even if another child says it was meant affectionately.
- Let your child report an upsetting word privately or write it down; they need not repeat it for an audience.
- Practice one short boundary only if the situation feels safe. Leaving and finding help are valid first steps.
- Ask adults to stop repeated name-calling and check that it has stopped.
The word may be only part of what happened
Your child says someone called them a name, then refuses to say which one. You might feel that you need the exact word before deciding how serious this is. Begin with the part they have already told you: someone used language that hurt or embarrassed them. Ask whether they want to say it, write it, or explain what the word was about. Hearing every detail immediately is not the price of getting your help.
A familiar nickname can become unpleasant when its use changes. A friend might use it affectionately at home but shout it across the classroom after being asked to stop. A word about red hair may sound descriptive in isolation and feel humiliating when a group chants it. Notice the audience, repetition, and whether your child has a real choice about taking part. Ask, “What happened after you asked them to stop?” and ask whether they could get help.
Name calling does not always mean the same thing as bullying. StopBullying.gov describes bullying in terms of unwanted aggression, a power imbalance, and repetition or the potential for repetition. You can still ask a teacher to address a hurtful first incident. Your child should not have to wait for a pattern to develop before adults take an insult seriously.
4 short responses to unwanted names
1.“Use my name, please.”
Use when your child wants to state the boundary once before moving on.
2.“I don't like that nickname.”
For a name others think is friendly when your child wants it to stop; no explanation about why it hurts is required.
3.“I'm going over there.”
Use to end the conversation and head toward an adult or supervised place.
4.“They keep calling me that. I need help.”
For reporting repetition to a teacher or caregiver, especially if a previous request to stop has been ignored or mocked.
What not to say (and what to say instead)
“It's just a word.”
“Tell me what happened when they used it.”
This makes room for the social situation around the name instead of deciding how much it should hurt.
“Call them something worse.”
“You can walk away now.”
Trading insults can draw more kids into the argument.
“That nickname suits you, though.”
“You get to say what name you prefer.”
A family member's affection for a nickname does not cancel the child's wish to stop hearing it.
“Why didn't you stand up for yourself?”
“What would make it easier to get help?”
A child who freezes still needs help with the name-calling.
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
| “It's just a word.” | “Tell me what happened when they used it.” | This makes room for the social situation around the name instead of deciding how much it should hurt. |
| “Call them something worse.” | “You can walk away now.” | Trading insults can draw more kids into the argument. |
| “That nickname suits you, though.” | “You get to say what name you prefer.” | A family member's affection for a nickname does not cancel the child's wish to stop hearing it. |
| “Why didn't you stand up for yourself?” | “What would make it easier to get help?” | A child who freezes still needs help with the name-calling. |
What do I say before we practice a reply?
Offer a choice: “Would you like to try one sentence, or should we work out who can help?” Agree on a harmless pretend nickname before practice. Explain the pretend situation first. They can stop the practice at any point, and you do not need to imitate an aggressive child to make it useful.
Let your child choose the name they want people to use. Play the peer and accept the request once: “Okay, Sam.” Then end the scene. A rehearsal can show what a respectful response looks like as well as what your child might say. Do not reward a particular facial expression, volume, or confident pose; focus on whether the words feel usable.
Next, rehearse reaching an adult. Your child might say, “They called me that again by the lockers.” Ask one specific follow-up as the adult: “Where are they now?” This gives the child experience being believed and helped. If finding a teacher is difficult, identify a specific supervised place together and check the arrangement with school staff.
Finish by asking which part they want to keep. They may prefer a completely different phrase, or no phrase at all. Write down the adult plan separately so it does not disappear behind the practice. Ask what the other kids did next and whether adults helped.
What if the name calling continues?
What if the name refers to identity, disability, or appearance?
Tell your child that their identity or body is not the problem. Report the specific language privately to the school and ask how staff will address the targeting. Your child does not have to educate classmates or explain personal information to earn respectful treatment.
What if my child also uses nicknames for others?
Address both incidents separately. Ask whether the other child likes that name, and have your child stop using it if they do not. You can expect your child to repair their own behavior while still protecting them from insults.
What if the teacher says everyone uses that nickname?
Explain that your child does not want it used and describe the effect or repeated incidents. Ask staff to model the preferred name and respond when classmates ignore the boundary. Agree on a follow-up date instead of leaving the request as a general reminder to be kind.
When do we need more support?
Involve the school promptly for repetition, threats, group targeting, or fear about attending. If the distress is lasting or affects sleep, eating, or ordinary activities, ask a school counselor or your child's health professional for support. Do not wait for a perfect account before arranging help.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
- 6–8
- Use the child's actual preferred name in practice. Ask an adult to interrupt repeated name-calling.
- “Please call me Alex.”
- 9–11
- Ask whether the name changes meaning depending on who uses it. Help your child set one boundary with a friend and identify an adult for situations where others join in.
- “That isn't my name.”
- 12–14
- Give an older child control over how the exact insult is shared with staff. Explain who needs the information and ask about retaliation before planning a public intervention.
- “Can I explain this privately?”
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Use the child's actual preferred name in practice. Ask an adult to interrupt repeated name-calling. | “Please call me Alex.” |
| 9–11 | Ask whether the name changes meaning depending on who uses it. Help your child set one boundary with a friend and identify an adult for situations where others join in. | “That isn't my name.” |
| 12–14 | Give an older child control over how the exact insult is shared with staff. Explain who needs the information and ask about retaliation before planning a public intervention. | “Can I explain this privately?” |
Key terms
- Name calling
- Using labels or insults to hurt, belittle, or embarrass someone; the surrounding behavior matters as well as the word.
- Unwanted nickname
- A shortened or invented name a person does not want used, even if someone else considers it friendly.
- Boundary
- A statement about what you want to stop or what you will do next; it does not guarantee another person will cooperate.
Questions parents ask
What do I say when my child will not repeat the insult?
Say, “You don't have to say it right now for me to help.” Offer writing it down or describing the topic privately. Ask enough about where it happened and whether they feel safe to arrange support.
Should my child ignore name calling?
They can choose not to answer and move toward safety. Ignoring is not a plan for adults to leave repeated targeting unattended. Check whether the behavior continues and involve school staff when it does.
Is name calling always bullying?
A hurtful word on its own does not establish every feature of bullying. Repetition or likely repetition and an imbalance of power matter. Adults can address name calling before deciding which label describes the whole situation.
What if the other child says it was a joke?
Your child can say they do not like the name. Notice what happens next: a respectful friend stops. Continuing, recruiting others, or punishing the boundary needs adult attention.
Should I tell my child the insult is not true?
Bring the focus back to the name your child wants people to use. Add that nobody deserves to be singled out with hurtful labels. Ask what would help them feel supported in the next school day.
Can my child choose a different nickname instead?
Yes, if that is genuinely what they want. Do not make accepting a replacement nickname the compromise required to stop an insult. Their ordinary name is a sufficient choice, and adults should respect it.
Related
Sources
- StopBullying.gov — What Is Bullying (2024): Repetition or likely repetition and a power imbalance help distinguish bullying from other hurtful behavior.
- Nemours KidsHealth — Helping Kids Deal With Bullies (2023): Listening calmly and involving supportive adults can help children describe bullying and find support.
- StopBullying.gov — What Kids Can Do (2022): Children can move away from unsafe situations and seek a trusted adult rather than fight back.