“My friend makes fun of me”: when teasing comes from a friend
By the Life Scenario team · Published · For parents of children 6–14
What should I do when my child's friend makes fun of him?
If your child's friend makes fun of him, try “I don't like that joke” during an ordinary disagreement. Notice whether the friend stops when asked. Your child can value the friendship and want some space; ask an adult to help if the targeting continues.
Key takeaways
- Ask how the friendship feels outside the jokes and what happens when your child shows discomfort.
- A single clumsy joke and a repeated pattern of humiliation need different responses.
- For an ordinary disagreement, try one short request.
- Notice whether the friend stops making the comments.
- Your child can take a break; ask adults to intervene if the friend is threatening or hurting them.
Why an unkind joke from a friend can be confusing
Your child may tell you the friend is lovely most of the time. They share interests, choose each other for games, and have years of familiar memories. That does not cancel the hurt of a repeated joke. If you immediately announce that the child is a terrible friend, your child may spend the conversation defending them instead of explaining what is happening.
Ask what the friend does after noticing discomfort. Do they stop, check in, and avoid repeating the joke? Or do they call your child too sensitive, repeat it in front of others, or use private information for laughs? The response to a reasonable limit gives you useful information about whether this is a repairable mistake or a pattern needing adult support.
Keep the first conversation concrete. You do not need to decide the friend's whole personality. Ask about the last incident, who was there, and what your child wanted to happen next. A child can care about a friend while deciding that a particular activity or kind of contact no longer feels comfortable.
4 things your child can say when a friend's joke hurts
1.“I don't like that joke.”
Use this in a safe, ordinary interaction where your child feels able to make a request. It says what your child wants to stop. If the situation is intimidating, skip the discussion and seek adult help.
2.“Please keep that between us.”
Use this with a safe friend when a private detail has become material for a joke. Your child can state the expectation, while an adult helps if sharing continues or the detail is sensitive.
3.“I'd like a break from this game.”
Use this when the activity is becoming uncomfortable and it is safe to leave. Your child can leave after saying it.
4.“I need help with something a friend keeps doing.”
Say this to a trusted adult when the pattern continues or the child fears the friend's reaction. Calling someone a friend does not remove the child's right to support.
What not to say (and what to say instead)
“If he's your friend, he didn't mean it.”
“What did he do when he saw you were upset?”
Intent is not the whole issue; the friend's response and later behavior help show what needs to change.
“Tell him he's not your friend anymore.”
“You can ask for a change and decide what feels safe.”
Give your child time to decide whether they want a break.
“Learn to take a joke.”
“Were you enjoying it too?”
Friendly humor needs room for both people, and discomfort should not become another reason for ridicule.
“Make fun of him back.”
“You can leave a joke you don't enjoy.”
An insult back can turn the moment into a longer argument.
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
| “If he's your friend, he didn't mean it.” | “What did he do when he saw you were upset?” | Intent is not the whole issue; the friend's response and later behavior help show what needs to change. |
| “Tell him he's not your friend anymore.” | “You can ask for a change and decide what feels safe.” | Give your child time to decide whether they want a break. |
| “Learn to take a joke.” | “Were you enjoying it too?” | Friendly humor needs room for both people, and discomfort should not become another reason for ridicule. |
| “Make fun of him back.” | “You can leave a joke you don't enjoy.” | An insult back can turn the moment into a longer argument. |
What do I say when my child does not want to lose the friendship?
Try, “You like being with him, and you want this part to stop.” Let both feelings exist. Ask what a comfortable version of the friendship would look like: no jokes about a particular subject, keeping a private detail private, or choosing a different game. Do not turn the child's wish to stay friends into proof that nothing serious happened.
For a safe, one-off disagreement, rehearse a short request. You play a friend who made an ordinary mistake, and your child says, “I don't like that joke.” Show a useful response: “Okay, I won't use it again.” Then let your child change the words. Practice should not depend on delivering a perfectly confident performance.
Discuss what happens if the friend dismisses the request. The child can take space and bring the concern to an adult. They do not have to repeat the same explanation until the friend approves it. Get adult help for bullying, threats, or repeated public humiliation.
Ask whether the friend's behavior changed next time they met. A genuine mistake can be followed by changed behavior. An apology followed by the same joke needs further attention. Keep other sources of company available so your child does not feel the choice is accepting the jokes or being completely alone.
What do I say when the friend does not respect the limit?
What if the friend says my child is too sensitive?
Your child does not have to debate whether their feelings are acceptable. They can take space and tell a trusted adult if the behavior continues. Ask which joke hurt and what happened when your child objected.
What if the friend shares a secret as a joke?
Help your child stop engaging in any online exchange and show an adult what happened. Ask school for help if classmates are involved or the sharing affects school life. Do not retaliate by revealing something about the friend.
What if the children apologize and repeat the cycle?
Look at what changes between incidents. Adults can help set limits on activities or contact and address a repeated pattern at school. Your child can accept an apology and still want some space.
What if my child is afraid to end contact?
Ask what they fear will happen and take threats seriously. Ask school or the adult supervising the activity how they will protect your child. If distress is persistent or affecting daily routines, seek support from a counselor or your child's health professional as well.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
- 6–8
- Help children use a short preference in safe play and show how a friend can respond. Adults may need to supervise the next activity and stop repeated jokes. A younger child should not be expected to evaluate the entire friendship or enforce boundaries alone.
- “I don't like that. Let's stop.”
- 9–11
- Discuss the difference between enjoying a joke together and being the person everyone laughs at. Ask whether the friend behaves differently with an audience at recess or playtime. A private request may fit an ordinary disagreement; intimidation needs adult help.
- “Please don't use that story as a joke.”
- 12–14
- Include private messages, shared images, and group audiences in the conversation. Let your child decide how much ordinary friendship detail to share while making safety concerns clear. They can reduce contact or leave a group.
- “I'd like some space from this for now.”
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Help children use a short preference in safe play and show how a friend can respond. Adults may need to supervise the next activity and stop repeated jokes. A younger child should not be expected to evaluate the entire friendship or enforce boundaries alone. | “I don't like that. Let's stop.” |
| 9–11 | Discuss the difference between enjoying a joke together and being the person everyone laughs at. Ask whether the friend behaves differently with an audience at recess or playtime. A private request may fit an ordinary disagreement; intimidation needs adult help. | “Please don't use that story as a joke.” |
| 12–14 | Include private messages, shared images, and group audiences in the conversation. Let your child decide how much ordinary friendship detail to share while making safety concerns clear. They can reduce contact or leave a group. | “I'd like some space from this for now.” |
Key terms
- Mutual humor
- A joke both people genuinely enjoy, with room to stop when one person no longer does.
- Boundary
- A limit on what someone wants to take part in or accept.
- Repair
- Acknowledging a hurtful action and changing what happens next.
- Pattern
- Behavior that repeats across encounters, including whether requests for it to stop are respected.
Questions parents ask
What do I say when my child's friend makes fun of him?
Ask what happened and whether the friend stops when your child is uncomfortable. For a safe disagreement, rehearse a short request. Repeated humiliation or intimidation needs adult support, even if the children still call each other friends.
Should I tell my child to end the friendship?
You may need to set limits when the relationship is unsafe. For a repairable mistake, help your child notice whether the behavior changes. Avoid requiring an immediate permanent decision before they have explained what they want.
What do I say if my child defends the friend?
Acknowledge the parts of the friendship they value. Then return to the specific action that hurt. They do not need to agree that the friend is a bad person for you to help with the behavior.
Is it okay for friends to tease each other?
Some joking is comfortable and mutual. The important questions are whether both enjoy it and whether stopping is respected. A friendship label does not excuse repeated targeting.
Should I ask the friend's parent to intervene?
For suspected bullying at school, start with school staff and ask them to coordinate. A calm specific conversation may suit an ordinary disagreement when the relationship between adults is safe. Avoid confronting the child yourself.
How do I help if my child makes the hurtful jokes?
Name the hurtful action and ask them to stop. Help them listen to the other child's boundary and change their behavior. An apology should not pressure the other child to accept more contact.
Related
Sources
- Nemours KidsHealth — Helping Kids Deal With Bullies (2023): Teasing can be friendly when it is mutual, but hurtful and persistent targeting needs to stop.
- StopBullying.gov — Support the Children Involved (2026): Adults should support children, respond to harmful behavior, and follow through after the first conversation.