“My friend makes fun of me”: when teasing comes from a friend
Life Scenario team · Updated · Ages 6–14
What should I do when my child's friend makes fun of him?
Ask what the friend does when your child shows that the joke hurt. In an ordinary friendship, help your child say “I don't like that joke” once, then watch whether the friend stops. Your child can keep the friendship and still take some space. If the jokes continue or turn public, bring in an adult.
No sign-up · about 2 minutes
Key takeaways
- Ask how the friendship feels outside the jokes and what happens when your child shows discomfort.
- A single clumsy joke and a repeated pattern of humiliation need different responses.
- For a one-off joke, one short request is often enough: “I don't like that joke.”
- What the friend does after that request tells you more than the joke did.
- Your child can take a break; ask adults to intervene if the friend is threatening or hurting them.
Why an unkind joke from a friend can be confusing
Your child may tell you the friend is lovely most of the time. They like the same things, pick each other for games and have known each other for years. That does not cancel the hurt of a repeated joke. If you immediately announce that the other child is a terrible friend, your child may spend the conversation defending them instead of explaining what is happening.
Nemours KidsHealth puts the line here: teasing that is playful and mutual, with both children finding it funny, is usually harmless, and teasing that turns hurtful, unkind, and constant needs to stop. Ask what the friend does after noticing discomfort. Do they stop, check in, and avoid repeating the joke?
Or do they call your child too sensitive, repeat it in front of others, or use private information for laughs? How the friend reacts to a fair request tells you whether this is a mistake they can fix or a pattern that needs an adult. If several friends join in and call it banter, that is a different situation with its own guide.
Keep the first conversation concrete. You do not need to decide the friend's whole personality. Ask about the last incident, who was there, and what your child wanted to happen next. A child can care about a friend while deciding that a particular activity or kind of contact no longer feels comfortable.
4 things your child can say when a friend's joke hurts
1.“I don't like that joke.”
With a friend, the aim is to stop one joke and keep the friendship, so the line names the joke and says nothing about the friend. If the situation is intimidating, skip the discussion and seek adult help.
2.“Please keep that between us.”
For when a private detail has turned into material for laughs. It tells the friend which line was crossed and gives them a simple way to put it right. An adult helps if the sharing continues or the detail is sensitive.
3.“I'd like a break from this game.”
Leaves the activity and keeps the friendship open, which is easier to say to a friend than “stop it.” Your child can go as soon as they have said it, when it is safe to leave.
4.“I need help with something a friend keeps doing.”
For a trusted adult. Children often stay quiet because telling feels like betraying a friend. “A friend keeps doing” reports a pattern without making the friend sound like an enemy.
Telling a friend that a joke hurt takes a few tries. In Life Scenario, children aged 12–14 can practise a similar moment: friends tease them for helping a younger student. They say what they would do and you get feedback to go over together.
No sign-up · about 2 minutes
What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
“If he's your friend, he didn't mean it.” | “What did he do when he saw you were upset?” | What he did once he saw your child was upset tells you more than whether he meant it. |
“Tell him he's not your friend anymore.” | “You can ask for a change and decide what feels safe.” | An ultimatum takes the decision away from your child. Give them time to decide whether they want a break. |
“Learn to take a joke.” | “Were you enjoying it too?” | A joke is only friendly while both children are enjoying it, and being uncomfortable is not something to be teased for. |
“Make fun of him back.” | “You can leave a joke you don't enjoy.” | An insult back can turn the moment into a longer argument. |
What do I say when my child does not want to lose the friendship?
Try, “You like being with him, and you want this part to stop.” Let both feelings exist. Ask what a comfortable version of the friendship would look like: no jokes about a particular subject, keeping a private detail private, or choosing a different game. Do not turn the child's wish to stay friends into proof that nothing serious happened.
For a safe, one-off disagreement, rehearse a short request. You play a friend who made an ordinary mistake, and your child says, “I don't like that joke.” Show a useful response: “Okay, I won't use it again.” Then let your child change the words. It doesn't have to sound confident to count. If your child finds it hard to say no to friends at all, see teaching a firm, kind no.
Discuss what happens if the friend dismisses the request. The child can take space and bring the concern to an adult. They do not have to repeat the same explanation until the friend approves it. Get adult help for bullying, threats, or repeated public humiliation.
Ask whether the friend's behavior changed next time they met. A friend who made a mistake changes what they do. An apology followed by the same joke means the conversation isn't over. Keep other sources of company available so your child does not feel the choice is accepting the jokes or being completely alone. StopBullying.gov's advice to adults is to follow up after the first conversation, because the behavior may not stop at once. If you are thinking of calling the friend's family, read the guide on whether to contact the other child's parent.
What do I say when the friend does not respect the limit?
What if the friend says my child is too sensitive?
Your child does not have to debate whether their feelings are acceptable. They can take space and tell a trusted adult if the behavior continues. Ask which joke hurt and what happened when your child objected.
What if the friend shares a secret as a joke?
If it was shared in a chat or online, your child can stop replying and show you what was posted. Ask school for help if classmates are involved or the sharing affects school life. Do not retaliate by revealing something about the friend.
What if the children apologize and repeat the cycle?
Look at what changes between incidents. Adults can help set limits on activities or contact and address a repeated pattern at school. Your child can accept an apology and still want some space.
What if my child is afraid to end contact?
Ask what they fear will happen and take threats seriously. Ask school or the adult supervising the activity how they will protect your child. If distress is persistent or affecting daily routines, seek support from a counselor or your child's health professional as well.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | In safe play, help your child say a short “I don't like that,” and show how a friend can respond. An adult may need to watch the next game and stop repeated jokes. Don't expect a six- or seven-year-old to judge the whole friendship or enforce limits alone. | “I don't like that. Let's stop.” |
| 9–11 | Discuss the difference between enjoying a joke together and being the person everyone laughs at. Ask whether the friend behaves differently with an audience at recess or playtime. A private request may fit an ordinary disagreement; intimidation needs adult help. | “Please don't use that story as a joke.” |
| 12–14 | Include private messages, shared images, and group audiences in the conversation. Let your child decide how much ordinary friendship detail to share while making safety concerns clear. They can reduce contact or leave a group. | “I'd like some space from this for now.” |
Key terms
- Mutual humor
- A joke both people genuinely enjoy, with room to stop when one person no longer does.
- Boundary
- A limit on what someone wants to take part in or accept.
- Repair
- Acknowledging a hurtful action and changing what happens next.
- Pattern
- Behavior that repeats across encounters, including whether requests for it to stop are respected.
Give your child 10 free practice scenarios
No card to start. No subscription, ever.
Telling a friend that a joke went too far is easier to practise when nobody is laughing. Your child hears friends make a joke at their expense, answers out loud in their own words and gets feedback. Afterwards the feedback gives you both something specific to discuss.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
What do I say when my child's friend makes fun of him?
Start with, “You like being with him, and you want this part to stop. What happened?” Then ask whether the friend stops when your child is uncomfortable. For a safe disagreement, rehearse a short request. Repeated humiliation or intimidation needs adult support, even if the children still call each other friends.
How do I know if a friend is bullying my child?
Look at what happens after your child shows discomfort. A friend who made a mistake stops and does not repeat the joke. A friend who calls your child too sensitive, repeats it in front of others, or uses private information for laughs is showing a pattern that needs adult support.
Should I tell my child to end the friendship?
Not as a first step. You may need to set limits when the relationship is unsafe. For a repairable mistake, help your child notice whether the behavior changes. Avoid requiring an immediate permanent decision before they have explained what they want.
What do I say if my child defends the friend?
Acknowledge the parts of the friendship they value. Then return to the specific action that hurt. They do not need to agree that the friend is a bad person for you to help with the behavior.
Is it okay for friends to tease each other?
Yes, when the joking is comfortable and mutual. The important questions are whether both enjoy it and whether stopping is respected. A friendship label does not excuse repeated targeting.
Should I ask the friend's parent to intervene?
Not for suspected bullying at school: start with school staff and ask them to coordinate. StopBullying.gov warns that contacting the other parents directly may make matters worse. A calm specific conversation may suit an ordinary disagreement when the relationship between adults is safe. Avoid confronting the child yourself.
How do I help if my child makes the hurtful jokes?
Name the hurtful action and ask them to stop. Help them listen to the other child's boundary and change their behavior. An apology should not pressure the other child to accept more contact.
Sources
- Nemours KidsHealth, Helping Kids Deal With Bullies (2023): Teasing can be friendly when it is mutual, but hurtful and persistent targeting needs to stop.
- StopBullying.gov, Support the Children Involved (accessed 2026): Adults should support children, respond to harmful behavior, and follow through after the first conversation.
Published · Last updated