Good sportsmanship for kids: what to say when you win, when you lose, and when it’s close
By the Life Scenario team · Published · For parents of children 6–14
What should kids say to show good sportsmanship?
Give your child a line for each outcome: “Good game” when they win, “Good game. Rematch?” when they lose, and “Let’s check the rule” when it’s close. Rehearse all three in family games, so the words arrive before the feeling takes over.
Key takeaways
- Sportsmanship has three moments: winning, losing, and the close call where nobody agrees. Most advice covers only losing.
- A good winner says “Good game” and keeps the celebrating for teammates. Rubbing it in is the half parents forget to practice.
- A good loser is allowed to be disappointed, and needs one line to say before the feeling spills over.
- Disputed calls cause most of the fights in backyard and family games. A rehearsed “Let’s check the rule” or “Let’s redo it” heads many of them off.
- After the game, ask what they did well before you ask about the score.
Why sportsmanship is harder than it sounds
Ask a child what a good sport does and they will tell you: shake hands, don’t cheat, don’t cry. They know. The difficulty is doing it with their heart still pounding, in front of the person who just beat them, or while their team celebrates and the other team looks miserable.
Most parents only worry about losing, because losing is loud. Winning badly is quieter and does just as much damage to friendships: the victory lap, the “I destroyed you”, the replay of every goal. And close calls, the ball that was or wasn’t over the line, are where most backyard games actually fall apart.
So give your child a short line for each moment and practice them in family games, where the stakes are low. If losing ends in tears or a thrown board at your house, start with our page on why reassurance before a game doesn’t work, then come back to the winning and close-call lines here.
4 things your child can say when they win
1.“Good game.”
Said to the other player first, before any celebrating. It is the same two words as when you lose, which makes it easy to remember and hard to get wrong.
2.“That was close. You nearly had me.”
Gives the other player credit for the game they played. It is honest in most games worth playing, and it keeps a friend happy to play again.
3.“Want to play again?”
Offering a rematch, instead of waiting to be asked, tells the other player the win is no big deal. Good winners hand the other side a way back in.
4.“Nice shot on that last one.”
Naming one specific thing the other player did well. It works in any sport or board game, and children notice when a compliment is specific.
4 things your child can say when they lose
1.“Good game.”
Two words, said even when they don’t feel it. Like a handshake, it gets easier the more often it happens, and it can come before the disappointment does.
2.“I’m annoyed, but good game.”
Lets the disappointment out in words. A child allowed to say they are upset in one sentence is less likely to show it by throwing things.
3.“Well played. How did you do that?”
For older kids who lost to someone better. Asking turns a loss into something to learn, and it is a compliment the winner will remember.
4.“Congrats. I’ll get you next time.”
Congratulating the winner while keeping a bit of fight in it. Said with a grin, the second half gives the disappointment somewhere friendly to go.
4 things your child can say when it’s close or disputed
1.“Let’s check the rule.”
For board and card games where someone thinks a move was illegal. It moves the argument from who is right to what the rules say.
2.“Let’s just redo that one.”
For backyard games with no referee, when nobody can prove whether the ball was in. A replay costs less than an argument, and the game carries on.
3.“Okay, your call this time.”
Letting the other side have one disputed point. Children who can give up a point without a scene get asked to play again.
4.“Coach, can I ask about that call later?”
For organised sport. The referee’s call stands on the field, and a question later, to the coach, is where a disagreement belongs.
What not to say (and what to say instead)
“Did you win?”
“What did you do well today?”
The first question you ask tells your child what you care about most.
“It’s just a game.”
“You really wanted that one.”
Naming the feeling calms a child faster than telling them the feeling is too big.
“That ref was terrible.”
“That call was hard to take. You kept playing, though.”
Children copy how adults treat officials, on the sideline and in the car home.
“You smashed them!”
“Nice game. Did you say good game to them?”
Praising the size of the win teaches children to rub it in.
Letting your child win every time
Mixing games of luck with the occasional real loss
A child who always wins at home never gets to practice losing.
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
| “Did you win?” | “What did you do well today?” | The first question you ask tells your child what you care about most. |
| “It’s just a game.” | “You really wanted that one.” | Naming the feeling calms a child faster than telling them the feeling is too big. |
| “That ref was terrible.” | “That call was hard to take. You kept playing, though.” | Children copy how adults treat officials, on the sideline and in the car home. |
| “You smashed them!” | “Nice game. Did you say good game to them?” | Praising the size of the win teaches children to rub it in. |
| Letting your child win every time | Mixing games of luck with the occasional real loss | A child who always wins at home never gets to practice losing. |
What do I say in the car after the game?
Less than you think. Give your child a few minutes of quiet, then ask one open question: “What did you do well?” or “Was there anything you wish you’d done differently?” If they want to work on something, offer to practice it together before next time.
If they behaved badly, save it for later that day, once everyone is calm. Keep it short and specific: “When you lost, you walked off without shaking hands. What could you say next time?” Then let them pick the line and practice it once.
If they were a good sport, say so, and name exactly what they did: “I saw you help up that player who fell.” Specific praise is what gets repeated.
What if my child still can’t be a good sport?
What if losing always ends in a meltdown?
Then losing needs its own practice. Start with games of pure chance, where losing says nothing about skill, and rehearse the losing lines before every game. Our page on why reassurance before a game doesn’t work covers this in detail.
What if my child brags every time they win?
Practice winning quietly on purpose. In family games, agree that the winner says “Good game” and offers a rematch before anything else. Praise the effort and the way they played, and keep the size of the win out of it.
What if they cheat to avoid losing?
Cheating is usually about how much losing hurts. Stop the game calmly, restate the rule, and restart. Later, when calm, talk about the feeling behind it and practice the losing lines, because a child who can bear losing has less reason to cheat.
When should I talk to the coach or get more help?
Talk to the coach if your child is regularly blamed or teased by teammates, or if poor sportsmanship on the team goes unchecked. If your child’s reactions to losing are extreme at every age and in every setting, or they seem very anxious before games, see your GP or pediatrician.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
- 6–8
- Children this age are learning to cope with rules, winning and losing. Practice in board games with one line for each outcome, and let luck do some of the work.
- “Good game. Rematch?”
- 9–11
- Team sport and rankings arrive, and disputed calls become the flashpoint. Practice the close-call lines as much as the losing ones.
- “Let’s just redo that one.”
- 12–14
- Winning and losing get tied to status and who made the team. Skip the lecture; agree one handshake line and one private way to cool off afterwards.
- “Well played. How did you do that?”
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Children this age are learning to cope with rules, winning and losing. Practice in board games with one line for each outcome, and let luck do some of the work. | “Good game. Rematch?” |
| 9–11 | Team sport and rankings arrive, and disputed calls become the flashpoint. Practice the close-call lines as much as the losing ones. | “Let’s just redo that one.” |
| 12–14 | Winning and losing get tied to status and who made the team. Skip the lecture; agree one handshake line and one private way to cool off afterwards. | “Well played. How did you do that?” |
Key terms
- Good sport
- A player who treats teammates, opponents and officials with respect, whether they win or lose.
- Sore loser
- A child who reacts to losing with anger, tears or quitting. Usually a sign of how much winning matters to them.
- Sore winner
- A child who gloats, brags or rubs a win in. Just as hard on friendships, and easier to miss.
- Disputed call
- A moment where players disagree about what happened or what the rule is.
Questions parents ask
What are 5 examples of good sportsmanship?
Shaking hands with the other team, saying “Good game” win or lose, accepting the referee’s call, encouraging teammates after a mistake, and helping up a player who falls, even on the other team.
What are the rules of good sportsmanship?
There is no official list, but most versions include: follow the rules, respect the officials, support your teammates, respect the other team, and be proud of yourselves whether you win or lose, without rubbing a win in.
What do I say when my child brags after winning?
Later, quietly: “You played well. How do you think the other kid felt when you said that?” Then agree a winning line for next time, like “Good game, want to play again?”, and practice it in a family game.
Why does my child get so upset when they lose?
Usually because winning matters a lot to them and the feeling arrives faster than their ability to manage it. Practicing losing in low-stakes games, with a line ready, helps more than telling them not to be upset.
Should I let my child win?
Sometimes, with young children. If they always win at home, though, they never practice losing, and losing elsewhere will hurt more. Games of chance let anyone win without you having to throw the game.
What do I say to my child after a bad game?
Start with the feeling, not the performance: “That was a tough one.” Later, ask what went well and what they would want to work on. Keep your opinion of the referee to yourself.
Related
Sources
- Nemours KidsHealth — Teaching your child to be a good sport (reviewed October 2023) (2023): Encourage kids to follow the rules, accept calls without arguing with officials, support teammates with things like “Good shot” or “Good try”, shake hands before and after the game, and be proud of themselves no matter who wins; winning is fun but they shouldn’t rub it in. After a game, ask “What did you do well?” rather than focusing on who won or lost.
- Raising Children Network (Australia) — Playing fair: tips for kids & parents (2026): A good winner shows sympathy and support to the losing player and avoids boasting; children find it easier to lose a game of luck than a game of skill, so start with games of chance; letting a child win all the time can make it harder for them to learn they won’t always win.