Good sportsmanship for kids: what to say when you win, when you lose, and when it’s close
Life Scenario team · Updated · Ages 6–14
What are examples of good sportsmanship for kids?
Good sportsmanship is saying “Good game” win or lose, shaking hands, accepting the referee’s call and encouraging a teammate after a mistake. Blaming a loss on a teammate is poor sportsmanship, and so are gloating, arguing with the referee and quitting. Trying hard and feeling disappointed are fine. Give your child one line for each outcome.
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Key takeaways
- Sportsmanship has three moments: winning, losing, and the close call where nobody agrees. Most advice covers only losing.
- A good winner says “Good game” and keeps the celebrating for teammates. Rubbing it in is the half parents forget to practice.
- A good loser is allowed to be disappointed, and needs one line to say before the feeling spills over.
- Disputed calls cause most of the fights in backyard and family games. A rehearsed “Let’s check the rule” or “Let’s redo it” heads many of them off.
- After the game, ask what they did well before you ask about the score.
5 examples of good sportsmanship
- Saying “Good game” to the other side, win or lose.
- Shaking hands before and after the game.
- Accepting the referee’s call without arguing.
- Telling a teammate “Good try” after a mistake.
- Helping up a player who falls, even on the other team.
5 examples of poor sportsmanship
- Gloating, or replaying the win in front of the side that lost.
- Blaming a loss on a teammate.
- Arguing with the referee or refusing to accept a call.
- Quitting or walking off when the score goes the wrong way.
- Cheating or bending the rules to avoid losing.
Why sportsmanship is harder than it sounds
Ask a child what a good sport does and they will tell you: shake hands, don’t cheat, don’t cry. Doing it is harder with their heart still pounding, in front of the person who just beat them, or while their team celebrates and the other team looks miserable.
Most parents only worry about losing, because losing is loud. Winning badly is quieter and does just as much damage to friendships: the victory lap, the “I destroyed you”, the replay of every goal. Nemours KidsHealth puts the winner’s rule plainly: winning is fun, but don’t rub it in (more in our guide for when a child brags about winning). And close calls, the ball that was or wasn’t over the line, are where most backyard games actually fall apart.
So give your child a short line for each moment and practice them in family games, where the stakes are low. If losing ends in tears or a thrown board at your house, start with our page on why reassurance before a game doesn’t work, then come back to the winning and close-call lines here. For the console version, see our guide to a child who gets angry when losing video games.
4 things your child can say when they win
1.“Good game.”
Said to the other player first, before any celebrating. It is the same two words as when you lose, which makes it easy to remember and hard to get wrong.
2.“That was close. You nearly had me.”
Gives the other player credit for the game they played. It is honest in most games worth playing, and it keeps a friend happy to play again.
3.“Want to play again?”
Offering a rematch, instead of waiting to be asked, tells the other player the win is no big deal and hands them a way back in.
4.“Nice shot on that last one.”
Naming one specific thing the other player did well. It works in any sport or board game, and children notice when a compliment is specific.
4 things your child can say when they lose
1.“Good game.”
Two words, said even when they don’t feel it. Like a handshake, it gets easier the more often it happens, and it can come before the disappointment does.
2.“I’m annoyed, but good game.”
Lets the disappointment out in words. A child allowed to say they are upset in one sentence is less likely to show it by throwing things.
3.“Well played. How did you do that?”
For older kids who lost to someone better. Asking turns a loss into something to learn, and it is a compliment the winner will remember.
4.“Congrats. I’ll get you next time.”
Congratulating the winner while keeping a bit of fight in it. Said with a grin, the second half gives the disappointment somewhere friendly to go.
4 things your child can say when it’s close or disputed
1.“Let’s check the rule.”
For board and card games where someone thinks a move was illegal. It moves the argument from who is right to what the rules say.
2.“Let’s just redo that one.”
For backyard games with no referee, when nobody can prove whether the ball was in. A replay costs less than an argument, and the game carries on.
3.“Okay, your call this time.”
Letting the other side have one disputed point. Children who can give up a point without a scene get asked to play again.
4.“Coach, can I ask about that call later?”
For organized sport. The referee’s call stands on the field, and a question later, to the coach, is where a disagreement belongs.
Saying “Good game” with a racing heart, to the person who just beat you, is worth rehearsing, and this kind of moment is a good one to try with your child.
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What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
“Did you win?” | “What did you do well today?” | The first question you ask tells your child what you care about most. |
“It’s just a game.” | “You really wanted that one.” | Naming the feeling calms a child faster than telling them the feeling is too big. |
“That ref was terrible.” | “That call was hard to take. You kept playing, though.” | Children copy how adults treat officials, on the sideline and in the car home. |
“You smashed them!” | “Nice game. Did you say good game to them?” | Praising the size of the win teaches children to rub it in. |
Letting your child win every time | Mixing games of luck with the occasional real loss | A child who always wins at home never gets to practice losing. |
What do I say in the car after the game?
Less than you think. Give your child a few minutes of quiet, then ask one open question: “What did you do well?” or “Was there anything you wish you’d done differently?” If they want to work on something, offer to practice it together before next time. Nemours KidsHealth suggests these two questions in place of talking about who won or lost. If the news in the car is that they were not selected at all, there are example replies for a child who didn’t make the team.
If they behaved badly, save it for later that day, once everyone is calm. Keep it short and specific: “When you lost, you walked off without shaking hands. What could you say next time?” Then let them pick the line and practice it once.
If they were a good sport, say so, and name exactly what they did: “I saw you help up that player who fell.” Children are more likely to repeat something you named.
What if my child still can’t be a good sport?
What if losing always ends in a meltdown?
Then losing needs its own practice. Start with games of pure chance, where losing says nothing about skill, and rehearse the losing lines before every game. Raising Children Network notes that children find it easier to lose a game of luck than a game of skill. Our guide “Helping a worried child before a game”, in the related links below, covers this in detail.
What if my child brags every time they win?
Practice winning quietly on purpose. In family games, agree that the winner says “Good game” and offers a rematch before anything else. Praise the effort and the way they played, and keep the size of the win out of it.
What if they cheat to avoid losing?
Cheating is usually about how much losing hurts. Stop the game calmly, restate the rule, and restart. Later, when calm, talk about the feeling behind it and practice the losing lines, because a child who can bear losing has less reason to cheat.
When should I talk to the coach or get more help?
Talk to the coach if your child is regularly blamed or teased by teammates, or if poor sportsmanship on the team goes unchecked. If your child’s reactions to losing are extreme in every setting, or they seem very anxious before games, see your GP or pediatrician.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Children this age are learning to cope with rules, winning and losing. Practice in board games with one line for each outcome, and let luck do some of the work. | “Good game. Rematch?” |
| 9–11 | Team sport and rankings arrive, and disputed calls become the flashpoint. Practice the close-call lines as much as the losing ones. | “Let’s just redo that one.” |
| 12–14 | Winning and losing get tied to status and who made the team. Skip the lecture; agree one handshake line and one private way to cool off afterwards. | “Well played. How did you do that?” |
Key terms
- Good sport
- A player who treats teammates, opponents and officials with respect, whether they win or lose.
- Sore loser
- A child who reacts to losing with anger, tears or quitting. Usually a sign of how much winning matters to them.
- Sore winner
- A child who gloats, brags or rubs a win in. Just as hard on friendships, and easier to miss.
- Disputed call
- A moment where players disagree about what happened or what the rule is.
Give your child 10 free practice scenarios
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The lines help when they come out in the moment, and that takes practice. In Life Scenario your child hears moments like a disputed goal in a family game, answers aloud, and sees how it could go. They get gentle feedback and can practise more situations like it, and you get a few prompts for a short conversation afterwards.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
How do I teach my child good sportsmanship?
Give them one line for each outcome and rehearse it in family games: “Good game” for a win, “Good game. Rematch?” for a loss, “Let’s check the rule” for a close call. Then model it on the sidelines. Nemours KidsHealth says children learn to be good sports from the adults around them, especially parents and coaches.
What are 5 examples of good sportsmanship?
Shaking hands with the other team, saying “Good game” win or lose, accepting the referee’s call, encouraging teammates after a mistake, and helping up a player who falls, even on the other team.
Which action is an example of poor sportsmanship: congratulating the winning team, trying hard to win, feeling disappointed when you lose, or blaming a loss on a teammate?
Blaming a loss on a teammate is the example of poor sportsmanship. Congratulating the winning team and trying hard to win are good sportsmanship, and feeling disappointed after a loss is normal. Other examples of poor sportsmanship are gloating after a win, arguing with the referee, refusing to shake hands, quitting halfway through and cheating. If your child blamed a teammate, wait until they are calm, then agree on a line for next time, such as “We lost as a team. We’ll get them next time.”
Is feeling disappointed when you lose poor sportsmanship?
No. Feeling disappointed shows the game mattered to your child. Poor sportsmanship is what a child does with the feeling: blaming a teammate, refusing to shake hands or storming off. A child can say “I’m annoyed, but good game” and still be a good sport.
What are the rules of good sportsmanship?
There is no official list, but most versions include: follow the rules, respect the officials, support your teammates, respect the other team, and be proud of yourselves whether you win or lose, without rubbing a win in.
What do I say when my child brags after winning?
Later, quietly: “You played well. How do you think the other kid felt when you said that?” Then agree a winning line for next time, like “Good game, want to play again?”, and practice it in a family game.
Why does my child get so upset when they lose?
Usually because winning matters a lot to them and the feeling arrives faster than their ability to manage it. Practicing losing in low-stakes games, with a line ready, helps more than telling them not to be upset.
Should I let my child win?
Sometimes, with young children. If they always win at home, though, they never practice losing, and losing elsewhere will hurt more. Raising Children Network makes the same point: letting a child win all the time makes it harder to learn that they won’t always win. Games of chance let anyone win without you having to throw the game.
What do I say to my child after a bad game?
Start with the feeling: “That was a tough one.” Later, ask what went well and what they would want to work on. Keep your opinion of the referee to yourself.
Sources
- Nemours KidsHealth, Teaching your child to be a good sport (reviewed October 2023) (2023): Encourage kids to follow the rules, accept calls without arguing with officials, support teammates with things like “Good shot” or “Good try”, shake hands before and after the game, and be proud of themselves no matter who wins; winning is fun but they shouldn’t rub it in. Kids learn to be good sports from the adults in their lives, especially parents and coaches. After a game, ask “What did you do well?” rather than focusing on who won or lost.
- Raising Children Network (Australia), Playing fair: tips for kids & parents (2025): A good winner shows sympathy and support to the losing player and avoids boasting; children find it easier to lose a game of luck than a game of skill, so start with games of chance; letting a child win all the time can make it harder for them to learn they won’t always win.
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