Social skills for kids 6–14: what to practice at each age, with scripts
By the Life Scenario team · Published · For parents of children 6–14
What social skills should my child be practicing at each age?
At 6–8, practice taking turns (“Can I go after you?”); at 9–11, disagreeing kindly (“I see it differently”); at 12–14, saying no without drama (“Nah, I’m good”). Pick one skill, rehearse one line for a week, then let your child try it for real.
Key takeaways
- Social skills are not one list. A 7-year-old needs to take turns and join a game; a 13-year-old needs to read a group and say no without losing face.
- Each age band has a few skills that matter most. Work on those, one at a time.
- Give every skill a short line your child can actually say: “Can I go after you?”, “I see it differently”, “Nah, I’m good.”
- Role-play beats explaining. Five minutes, you play the other child, then swap roles.
- Being a little behind the band is common and usually catches up with practice. Struggling in every setting is worth raising with the school or your doctor.
Why a list of 10 social skills doesn’t help much
Search for social skills for kids and you get lists: sharing, listening, empathy, cooperation. All true, and little use on a Tuesday evening. A list names the skills. It doesn’t tell you which one your 8-year-old needs this term, or what they would actually say.
The skills change because the social world changes. At 6–8, social life happens inside games with rules and turns. By 9–11, friendship groups form, and arguments move from who goes first to who said what. At 12–14 there is a group, a group chat and pressure to fit in.
Knowing a skill is also not the same as using it. Children can tell you what they should do and still freeze in the moment. What closes that gap is a short line, rehearsed until it comes out without thinking. Below, each age band gets its core skills, three lines and one role-play.
What social skills should a 6–8-year-old practice?
The core skills: taking turns, joining a game, sharing, losing without a meltdown, a quick sorry, asking an adult for help. Children this age cope better with rules, winning and losing than they did at 5. They are still learning, though, and they embarrass easily.
Role-play to run: start a card game or build a tower, and play the child who is already busy. Your child walks up and joins. Round one, you say yes. Round two, you say “We’re in the middle of it.” Round three, swap: your child is the one playing and you ask to join.
3 things a 6–8-year-old can say to join, wait and fix it
1.“Can I go after you?”
For turn-taking and sharing. It asks for a place in the queue instead of the thing itself, so the other child doesn’t have to give anything up right now. Works for swings, toys, screens and board games.
2.“What are you playing? Can I be on a team?”
For joining a game already under way at recess (playtime in the UK). The question comes first, so nobody is asked for a decision straight away, and a place on a team is easier to say yes to than a whole game.
3.“Oops, sorry. Are you okay?”
The repair line, for bumping into someone, knocking a tower over or grabbing too fast. It is short enough to say before an adult arrives, and the question shows your child noticed the other child, not just the rule.
What social skills should a 9–11-year-old practice?
The core skills at this age: disagreeing without a fight, handling teasing, joining a conversation rather than a game, keeping a friend’s secret, noticing when someone is left out, and making up after an argument. Friendship groups start to matter a lot.
Role-play to run: a disagreement. You insist that a quiz answer is wrong, or that it is your turn to pick the game. Your child practices staying calm, saying what they think and offering a way forward. Then swap, and let them be the stubborn one.
3 things a 9–11-year-old can say to disagree and make up
1.“I see it differently. Can I explain?”
Disagreeing without attacking. It names the difference without calling the other child wrong, and the question buys a hearing. Useful in group projects and disputed games.
2.“That sounds cool. What happened next?”
Joining a conversation. Children this age join talk, not just games, and a comment plus a question gets them in without taking over. Practice it at dinner while someone tells a story.
3.“I was annoyed yesterday. Are we okay?”
Repair after a falling-out. Many friendships at this age break and mend several times a term, and the child who can make the first move back is not the one who lost.
What social skills should a 12–14-year-old practice?
The core skills at this age: reading a group before joining it, saying no without losing face, handling group chats, standing up for someone else, and recovering from embarrassment. Practice works best now when your child picks the words.
Role-play to run: pressure from a friend. You play a friend pushing a plan: skipping a class, say, or adding someone to a chat to mock them. Your child practices one calm no and one way out. Overact the pushy friend; it keeps things light.
3 things a 12–14-year-old can say without losing face
1.“Nah, I’m good.”
Saying no to pressure. Three words and no reasons: reasons give the other person something to argue with, while a relaxed no ends the conversation and leaves the friendship intact.
2.“Okay, that’s gone far enough.”
Standing up for someone else, in person or in the group chat (the class WhatsApp in the UK). It targets the behavior, not a person, and one message like this often gives others permission to stop too.
3.“Hey, are you doing robotics club this year?”
Starting a conversation with one person at the edge of a group, not the whole circle. A question about a shared activity is lower risk than a question about the other person, and it has an obvious next line.
What not to say (and what to say instead)
“Go and make some friends.”
“Who did you sit near today? What were they into?”
A vague order gives a child nothing to do; a specific question shows you both where the next step is.
“Just share!”
“Can you tell her when your turn will be finished?”
Children share more easily when they know when the thing comes back.
“Stop being so shy.”
“Want to practice the first line together?”
A label tends to stick; a rehearsed line gives a quiet child a way in.
“Say sorry right now.”
“What could you do to fix it?”
A forced apology teaches the words; asking about the fix teaches the repair.
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
| “Go and make some friends.” | “Who did you sit near today? What were they into?” | A vague order gives a child nothing to do; a specific question shows you both where the next step is. |
| “Just share!” | “Can you tell her when your turn will be finished?” | Children share more easily when they know when the thing comes back. |
| “Stop being so shy.” | “Want to practice the first line together?” | A label tends to stick; a rehearsed line gives a quiet child a way in. |
| “Say sorry right now.” | “What could you do to fix it?” | A forced apology teaches the words; asking about the fix teaches the repair. |
What do I say when my child seems behind for their age?
Age bands are rough. Start with the band your child is in, not the one their birthday says. If your 11-year-old still grabs and blurts, practice the 6–8 lines and call them game rules, not baby skills.
Say it plainly: “I’ve noticed joining in is hard right now. Want to practice it like a game?” Run one role-play, under five minutes, and stop while it is going well. A week of one line, used for real once, does more than ten skills discussed once.
What if practice at home doesn’t carry over?
What if my child refuses to role-play?
Let your child play the difficult character (the child who says no, the bossy friend) while you practice the line. Many children who won’t play themselves will happily play someone else, and they still hear the line every round.
What if they use the line and it doesn’t work?
Then your child did the hard part: they tried. Ask what happened, not what went wrong. Lines work some of the time, which is why a second line matters too: an exit like “Okay, see you later.”
What if they are fine at home and freeze at school?
Home is easy because you are the audience. Add pressure gradually: practice with a sibling or cousin, then ask the teacher about a lower-stakes place to try the line, like a club.
When should I involve the school or a professional?
Talk to the teacher if your child is on their own most days, or the same children keep excluding them. See your GP or pediatrician if your child finds it hard to make friends everywhere, is often aggressive with other children, or seems afraid of going to school. Asking early is fine.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
- 6–8
- Taking turns, joining games, sharing, losing, a quick sorry. Role-play: join a game already under way.
- “Can I go after you?”
- 9–11
- Disagreeing kindly, handling teasing, joining conversations, making up. Role-play: a disputed rule.
- “I see it differently. Can I explain?”
- 12–14
- Reading a group, saying no, group chats, standing up for others. Role-play: a friend pushing a plan.
- “Nah, I’m good.”
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Taking turns, joining games, sharing, losing, a quick sorry. Role-play: join a game already under way. | “Can I go after you?” |
| 9–11 | Disagreeing kindly, handling teasing, joining conversations, making up. Role-play: a disputed rule. | “I see it differently. Can I explain?” |
| 12–14 | Reading a group, saying no, group chats, standing up for others. Role-play: a friend pushing a plan. | “Nah, I’m good.” |
Key terms
- Social skills
- The everyday ways children get along with others. They are learned and practiced, not fixed traits.
- Role-play
- Acting out a situation at home first, with the parent playing the other child, then swapping roles.
- Repair
- Fixing things after a mistake or a fight: an apology, a check-in, an offer to make it right.
- Script
- A short line prepared in advance so the words are ready when the moment comes.
Questions parents ask
What are the 5 core social skills for kids?
There is no single official list, but most include taking turns and sharing, listening, managing feelings, cooperating, and empathy. More useful than the list is knowing which one your child needs now and what they would say to use it.
What social skills should a 7-year-old have?
Most 7-year-olds can take turns in a simple game, join other children’s play, and cope, not always gracefully, with winning and losing. If your child enjoys making friends and can follow the rules most of the time, that is within the usual range.
How do I teach my child social skills at home?
Pick one skill, give it one short line, and role-play it for five minutes: you play the other child, then swap. Repeat for a week, then ask your child to use it once for real and tell you how it went.
What do I say when my child says they have no friends?
Listen first: “That sounds lonely. Who did you sit near today?” Save the practice for a calm moment later. The details tell you which skill to work on, or whether it is a pattern to raise with the teacher.
What causes a lack of social skills in children?
Often it is simply less practice: fewer chances to play in groups, a move, a shy temperament, or a skill that clicks later. Sometimes it is linked to how a child learns. If you are worried, the teacher and your GP or pediatrician are the right first steps.
What do I say to the teacher about my child’s social skills?
Be specific and curious: “She tells me she is often on her own at recess. What do you see?” Ask what the teacher notices, then share the one skill you are practicing at home so you are both working on the same thing.
Related
Sources
- Raising Children Network (Australia) — Child development at 6–8 years (2026): At 6–8, children cope better with games that involve rules and with winning, losing and playing fair; friendships help them learn and practise basic social skills like sharing and negotiating; see your GP if your child finds it hard to make friends, is aggressive with other children or seems afraid of going to school.
- Understood — 8 social situations to role-play with your middle-schooler (2026): Role-playing common situations (giving a compliment, handling clique behavior, joining an activity in progress, starting a conversation, making plans) helps tweens who struggle socially; act out how the situation might go, both the good and the bad, and practise with a parent first.
- Understood — 4 social situations to role-play with your grade-schooler (2026): Role-playing can help a child feel prepared and build social skills; give your child scripts for what to say in common social situations, and practise before an upcoming event or after one that didn’t go as hoped.