Social skills for kids 6–14: what to practice at each age, with scripts
Life Scenario team · Updated · Ages 6–14
What social skills should my child be practicing at each age?
At 6–8, practise taking turns (“Can I go after you?”); at 9–11, disagreeing kindly (“I see it differently”); at 12–14, saying no without drama (“Nah, I’m good”). Pick one skill, rehearse one line for a week, then let your child try it for real.
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Key takeaways
- What children need to practise changes with age. A 7-year-old needs to take turns and join a game; a 13-year-old needs to read a group and say no without losing face.
- Each age band has a few skills that matter most. Work on those, one at a time.
- Give every skill a short line your child can actually say: “Can I go after you?”, “I see it differently”, “Nah, I’m good.”
- Role-play works better than explaining: five minutes with you playing the other child, then swap roles.
- Being a little behind the band is common and usually catches up with practice. Struggling in every setting is worth raising with the school or your doctor.
Why a list of 10 social skills doesn’t help much
Search for social skills for kids and you get lists: sharing, listening, empathy, cooperation. All true, and of little use on a Tuesday evening, because a list doesn’t tell you which skill your 8-year-old needs this term or what they would say.
The skills change because the social world changes. At 6–8, social life happens inside games with rules and turns. By 9–11, friendship groups form, and arguments move from who goes first to who said what. At 12–14 there is a group, a group chat and pressure to fit in.
Children can also know a skill and not use it: they tell you what they should do and still freeze in the moment (there is a separate guide for children who know what to say but don’t say it). What closes that gap is a short line, rehearsed until it comes out without thinking. Understood, a nonprofit for families of children who learn and think differently, recommends the same method: give your child scripts for common social situations and role-play them before the event. Below, each age band gets its core skills, three lines and one role-play.
What social skills should a 6–8-year-old practice?
At this age, work on taking turns, joining a game, sharing, losing without a meltdown, a quick sorry and asking an adult for help. Raising Children Network notes that at 6–8 children cope better with games that have rules, and with winning, losing and playing fair. They are still learning, though, and they embarrass easily. Losing well has its own guide on good sportsmanship.
Role-play to run: start a card game or build a tower, and play the child who is already busy. Your child walks up and joins. Round one, you say yes. Round two, you say “We’re in the middle of it.” Round three, swap: your child is the one playing and you ask to join.
3 things a 6–8-year-old can say to join, wait and fix it
1.“Can I go after you?”
For turn-taking and sharing. It asks for a place in the queue instead of the thing itself, so the other child doesn’t have to give anything up right now. Works for swings, toys, screens and board games.
2.“What are you playing? Can I be on a team?”
For joining a game already under way at recess (playtime in the UK). The question comes first, so nobody is asked for a decision straight away, and a place on a team is easier to say yes to than a whole game.
3.“Oops, sorry. Are you okay?”
The repair line, for bumping into someone, knocking a tower over or grabbing too fast. It is short enough to say before an adult arrives, and the question shows your child noticed the other child, not just the rule.
A line that works at home can vanish when another child says no, so practise this kind of moment with your child before it happens for real.
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What social skills should a 9–11-year-old practice?
The core skills at this age: disagreeing without a fight, handling teasing, joining a conversation rather than a game, keeping a friend’s secret (unless someone could get hurt), noticing when someone is left out, and making up after an argument. Friendship groups start to matter a lot. If teasing is the worry, how to respond to teasing sorts the replies by type. For two friends who each want your child on their side, there are example replies for being asked to pick a side.
Role-play to run: a disagreement. You insist that a quiz answer is wrong, or that it is your turn to pick the game. Your child practises staying calm, saying what they think and offering a way forward. Then swap, and let them be the stubborn one.
3 things a 9–11-year-old can say to disagree and make up
1.“I see it differently. Can I explain?”
Disagreeing without attacking. It names the difference without calling the other child wrong, and the question buys a hearing. Useful in group projects and disputed games.
2.“That sounds cool. What happened next?”
Joining a conversation. Children this age join talk, not just games, and a comment plus a question gets them in without taking over. Practise it at dinner while someone tells a story.
3.“I was annoyed yesterday. Are we okay?”
Repair after a falling-out. Many friendships at this age break and mend several times a term, and making the first move back doesn’t mean your child lost the argument.
What social skills should a 12–14-year-old practice?
By 12 the list changes: reading a group before joining it, saying no without losing face, handling group chats, standing up for someone else, and recovering from embarrassment. Practice works best now when your child picks the words. For saying no, see the guide for a child who finds it hard to say no.
Role-play to run: pressure from a friend. You play a friend pushing a plan: skipping a class, say, or adding someone to a chat to mock them. Your child practises one calm no and one way out. Overact the pushy friend; it keeps things light.
3 things a 12–14-year-old can say without losing face
1.“Nah, I’m good.”
Saying no to pressure. Three words and no reasons: reasons give the other person something to argue with, while a relaxed no ends the conversation and leaves the friendship intact.
2.“Okay, that’s gone far enough.”
Standing up for someone else, in person or in the group chat (the class WhatsApp in the UK). It targets the behavior, not a person, and one message like this often gives others permission to stop too.
3.“Hey, are you doing robotics club this year?”
Starting a conversation with one person at the edge of a group, not the whole circle. A question about a shared activity is lower risk than a question about the other person, and it has an obvious next line.
What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
“Go and make some friends.” | “Who did you sit near today? What were they into?” | A vague order gives a child nothing to do; a specific question shows you both where the next step is. |
“Just share!” | “Can you tell her when your turn will be finished?” | Children share more easily when they know when the thing comes back. |
“Stop being so shy.” | “Want to practise the first line together?” | A label tends to stick; a rehearsed line gives a quiet child a way in. |
“Say sorry right now.” | “What could you do to fix it?” | A forced apology only gets the word out of them. Asking about the fix gets them to put things right. |
What do I say when my child seems behind for their age?
Age bands are rough. Start with the band your child is in, not the one their birthday says. If your 11-year-old still grabs and blurts, practise the 6–8 lines and call them game rules, not baby skills.
Say it plainly: “I’ve noticed joining in is hard right now. Want to practise it like a game?” Run one role-play, under five minutes, and stop while it is going well. A week of one line, used for real once, does more than ten skills discussed once. For practice that feels like play, our list of social skills games for kids names the skill each game practises.
What if practice at home doesn’t carry over?
What if my child refuses to role-play?
Let your child play the difficult character (the child who says no, the bossy friend) while you practise the line. Many children who won’t play themselves will happily play someone else, and they still hear the line every round.
What if they use the line and it doesn’t work?
Then your child did the hard part: they tried. Ask what happened, not what went wrong. Lines work some of the time, which is why a second line matters too: an exit like “Okay, see you later.”
What if they are fine at home and freeze at school?
Home is easy because you are the audience. Add pressure gradually: practise with a sibling or cousin, then ask the teacher about a lower-stakes place to try the line, like a club.
When should I involve the school or a professional?
Talk to the teacher if your child is on their own most days, or the same children keep excluding them. See your GP or pediatrician if your child finds it hard to make friends everywhere, is often aggressive with other children, or seems afraid of going to school. Asking early is fine.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Taking turns, joining games, sharing, losing, a quick sorry. Role-play: join a game already under way. | “Can I go after you?” |
| 9–11 | Disagreeing kindly, handling teasing, joining conversations, making up. Role-play: a disputed rule. | “I see it differently. Can I explain?” |
| 12–14 | Reading a group, saying no, group chats, standing up for others. Role-play: a friend pushing a plan. | “Nah, I’m good.” |
Social skills at 7, 9, 11 and 13
What social skills should a 7-year-old practice?
A 7-year-old sits in the 6–8 band: taking turns, joining a game and losing without a meltdown. If you pick one, start with joining. Rehearse “What are you playing? Can I be on a team?” and run the role-play above where you answer “We’re in the middle of it.”
What social skills should a 9-year-old practice?
At 9 a child is moving from the 6–8 skills to the 9–11 ones. Check that joining a game and a quick sorry come easily, then add one new skill: disagreeing without a fight, with “I see it differently. Can I explain?”
What social skills should an 11-year-old practice?
An 11-year-old is at the top of the 9–11 band, with the 12–14 skills coming next. Keep the repair line going, “I was annoyed yesterday. Are we okay?”, and borrow one line from the older band: “Nah, I’m good.”
What social skills should a 13-year-old practice?
A 13-year-old is in the 12–14 band: reading a group, saying no without losing face and handling group chats. Let them choose the words. Offer “Nah, I’m good” and “Okay, that’s gone far enough” as starting points, and ask which one they would really say.
Key terms
- Social skills
- The everyday ways children get along with others. They are learned and practised, not fixed traits.
- Role-play
- Acting out a situation at home first, with the parent playing the other child, then swapping roles.
- Repair
- Fixing things after a mistake or a fight: an apology, a check-in, an offer to make it right.
- Script
- A short line prepared in advance so the words are ready when the moment comes.
Give your child 10 free practice scenarios
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A line on a page helps more once your child has tried saying it. In Life Scenario your child hears a real-life moment, like a classmate mocking someone’s idea in group work or a friend pushing a plan, and answers aloud. They get gentle feedback, can practise more situations like it, and you get a few prompts for a short conversation afterwards.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
What are the 5 core social skills for kids?
There is no single official list, but most include taking turns and sharing, listening, managing feelings, cooperating, and empathy. More useful than the list is knowing which one your child needs now and what they would say to use it.
What social skills should a 7-year-old have?
Most 7-year-olds can take turns in a simple game, join other children’s play, and cope, not always gracefully, with winning and losing. If your child enjoys making friends and can follow the rules most of the time, that is within the usual range.
How do I teach my child social skills at home?
Pick one skill, give it one short line, and role-play it for five minutes: you play the other child, then swap. Repeat for a week, then ask your child to use it once for real and tell you how it went.
What do I say when my child says they have no friends?
Listen first: “That sounds lonely. Who did you sit near today?” Save the practice for a calm moment later. The details tell you which skill to work on, or whether it is a pattern to raise with the teacher.
What causes a lack of social skills in children?
Often it is simply less practice: fewer chances to play in groups, a move, a shy temperament, or a skill that clicks later. Sometimes it is linked to how a child learns. If you are worried, the teacher and your GP or pediatrician are the right first steps.
What do I say to the teacher about my child’s social skills?
Be specific and curious: “She tells me she is often on her own at recess. What do you see?” Ask what the teacher notices, then share the one skill you are practising at home so you are both working on the same thing.
What social skills should a 10-year-old be practicing?
At 9–11 the skills to practise are disagreeing without a fight, handling teasing, joining a conversation, keeping a friend’s secret unless someone could get hurt, noticing who is left out, and making up after an argument. Pick one and rehearse one line for it, such as “I see it differently. Can I explain?”
What social skills does a middle schooler need?
At 12–14 the skills that matter most are reading a group before joining it, saying no without losing face, handling group chats, standing up for someone else, and recovering from embarrassment. Let your child pick the words; “Nah, I’m good” is a usable start.
Sources
- Raising Children Network (Australia), Child development at 6–8 years (2025): At 6–8, children cope better with games that involve rules and with winning, losing and playing fair; friendships help them learn and practise basic social skills like sharing and negotiating; see your GP if your child finds it hard to make friends, is aggressive with other children or seems afraid of going to school.
- Understood, 8 social situations to role-play with your middle-schooler (accessed 2026): Role-playing common situations (giving a compliment, handling clique behavior, joining an activity in progress, starting a conversation, making plans) helps tweens who struggle socially; act out how the situation might go, both the good and the bad, and practise with a parent first.
- Understood, 4 social situations to role-play with your grade-schooler (accessed 2026): Role-playing can help a child feel prepared and build social skills; give your child scripts for what to say in common social situations, and practise before an upcoming event or after one that didn’t go as hoped.
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