My child apologized, but their friend still won’t forgive them
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 8–14 · Friendship and being left out
A second apology works better when it names exactly what happened and offers to put it right: “I’m sorry I made a joke about you in the chat. I deleted it. Can we be okay?” Then your child gives the friend time. They can’t make someone forgive them, but they can make repair easy.
The situation, as your child sees it
You posted something in the group chat as a joke and it embarrassed your friend. You said sorry straight away. Since then, nothing: no replies, no eye contact at school.
A few days have become a week. You keep checking your phone and wondering if the friendship is over, and whether saying sorry again would make it worse.
Also happens as: forgetting to invite a best friend to your party; a comment that came out meaner than you meant.
Three things a child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 6–8
- “I’m sorry I laughed at your drawing. That was mean. I made you a new one.”
- Ages 9–11
- “I’m sorry about what I wrote in the chat. It wasn’t funny, and I deleted it.”
- Ages 12–14
- “I shouldn’t have posted that. It’s deleted, and I told the others it wasn’t okay.”
A specific apology shows your child understands what hurt. Doing something to repair it (deleting the post, making something) often matters more to the other child than the word sorry.
- Ages 6–8
- “Are you still cross with me? That’s okay. I’ll wait.”
- Ages 9–11
- “I get it if you’re still annoyed. I’m here when you want to hang out.”
- Ages 12–14
- “No pressure. I’m around whenever.”
It stops your child chasing. Pressing for forgiveness puts the hurt friend under pressure, while this line leaves the next step with them.
- Ages 6–8
- “Do you want to sit with me at lunch?”
- Ages 9–11
- “We’re playing football at break, if you want to join.”
- Ages 12–14
- “A few of us are getting food after school, you coming?”
A few days later, an ordinary invitation with no mention of the fight lets the friend come back without a big conversation.
What you can say next
- “You did the right thing by saying sorry. Forgiving you is their part, and it can take time.”
- “What exactly do you think upset them most?”
- “Is there anything you could do to make it better, not just say?”
- “Let’s give it a few days. Who else can you hang out with meanwhile?”
If it keeps happening. If weeks go by and the friend is now getting others to shut your child out, the problem has grown beyond the original mistake. Ask the teacher what they have noticed. Your child can make one last short message and then stop.
Questions parents ask
How many times should my child apologise?
One good apology, and perhaps one more that is specific and offers repair. More than that turns into pressure. After that, ordinary friendliness does the work.
Should I contact the other child’s parent?
Usually not for a one-off falling-out. If your child wants to apologise in writing, a short card they write themselves is better than a message between parents.
My child says sorry but doesn’t seem to mean it. Does it still count?
A rushed “sorry” rarely lands. Ask what they think the friend felt, then let them decide what to say. A slower, real apology is worth the wait.
What if the friend never forgives them?
It happens, and it is a real loss. Help your child see that they did their part, then help them put energy into other friendships.
Related situations
Sources
- Neuroscience News (University of Virginia release on Drell & Jaswal, Social Development) — Saying ‘Sorry’ to Kids Mends Relationships, But Doesn’t Heal Hurt (2015): In a study of 6- and 7-year-olds whose towers were knocked over, the only response that made children feel better was restitution; children shared more with a transgressor who offered restitution or an apology than with one who did neither.
- Raising Children Network (Australia) — Children, friends and friendships: FAQs (2025): Primary-school children often have disagreements with friends and usually sort them out quickly; parents can listen first, suggest ideas such as playing in a larger group or role-playing saying sorry, and ask the teacher if it seems to be an ongoing problem. Not being invited to many parties is not in itself a cause for worry.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.