My child apologized, but their friend still won’t forgive them
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 8–14 · Friendship and being left out
Taking responsibility and allowing relationships to repair
A child may believe that saying sorry should immediately restore a friendship. Learning that another person can remain hurt is part of learning about accountability and trust.
What is your child learning?
This situation creates opportunities to practise integrity, empathy, resilience, self-awareness and relationship skills. Listen for whether your child names what they did and is willing to give the friend time.
How parents and educators can support the learning
Encourage a specific apology that names the action and offers repair. Then give the other child time, without pushing for forgiveness or asking again and again whether things are fine.
Try asking:
- What exactly hurt your friend?
- What could you do to repair the harm?
- How might your friend still feel?
- What can you control while you wait?
What your child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 8–9
- “I’m sorry I laughed at your drawing. That was mean. I made you a new one.”
- Ages 10–11
- “I’m sorry about what I wrote in the chat. It wasn’t funny, and I deleted it.”
- Ages 12–14
- “I shouldn’t have posted that. It’s deleted, and I told the others it wasn’t okay.”
Naming the exact thing shows your child understands what hurt. The repair itself, like deleting the post or making something, often means more to the other child than the word sorry.
- Ages 8–9
- “Are you still cross with me? That’s okay. I’ll wait.”
- Ages 10–11
- “I get it if you’re still annoyed. I’m here when you want to hang out.”
- Ages 12–14
- “No pressure. I’m around whenever.”
This stops your child from chasing. Pushing for forgiveness puts pressure on the friend who was hurt, and this line hands the next step back to them.
- Ages 8–9
- “Do you want to sit with me at lunch?”
- Ages 10–11
- “We’re playing football at break, if you want to join.”
- Ages 12–14
- “A few of us are getting food after school, you coming?”
A few days later, an ordinary invitation with no mention of the fight lets the friend come back without a big conversation.
The bigger life lesson
A good apology shows the child understands how the other person was hurt and offers to put it right. Forgiveness can take a while.
Explore the situation. Discuss the emotions. Practise a response. Build a life skill.
Related situations
Guides for parents on this
Sources
- Neuroscience News (University of Virginia release on Drell & Jaswal, Social Development), Saying ‘Sorry’ to Kids Mends Relationships, But Doesn’t Heal Hurt (2015): In a study of 6- and 7-year-olds whose towers were knocked over, the only response that made children feel better was restitution; children shared more with a transgressor who offered restitution or an apology than with one who did neither.
- Raising Children Network (Australia), Children, friends and friendships: FAQs (last updated or reviewed December 2025): Primary-school children often have disagreements with friends and usually sort them out quickly; parents can listen first, suggest ideas such as playing in a larger group or role-playing saying sorry, and ask the teacher if it seems to be an ongoing problem. A child might move from one friend or group to another until they find someone who shares their interests. Not being invited to many parties is not in itself a cause for worry.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.