My child broke a friend’s toy
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 6–14 · Manners, gifts and visits
Help your child tell the friend straight away, before it’s found: “I broke a bit of your robot by accident. I’m really sorry. Can I help fix it?” Owning it first and offering to repair it matters more than the size of the apology. Then you follow up with the other parent about replacing it.
The situation, as your child sees it
You’re at your friend’s house and you borrow their favourite toy. Something snaps, and a piece comes off in your hand. Your friend is in the kitchen and hasn’t noticed.
You could put it back on the shelf and say nothing. Or you could tell them, and they might be really upset.
Also happens as: a classmate’s toy at after-school care, with no one watching; knocking over a vase at a relative’s house.
Three things a child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 6–8
- “I broke your robot. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”
- Ages 9–11
- “I’ve got to tell you something. I snapped a piece off your robot by accident. I’m really sorry.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Okay, bad news. I dropped your controller and a button’s stuck. That’s on me, sorry.”
Telling the friend before they find it changes everything. It is still a broken toy, but it isn’t a broken toy plus a secret.
- Ages 6–8
- “Can we glue it? Or I can give you one of mine.”
- Ages 9–11
- “Can we try to fix it? If not, I’ll ask my mum about getting you a new one.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Let me see if it can be fixed. If not, I’ll sort out a new one.”
Offering to repair or replace it is the part that actually makes the other child feel better, more than the apology on its own.
- Ages 6–8
- “Mrs Lee, I broke Tom’s toy by accident.”
- Ages 9–11
- “I need to tell you, I broke something of Tom’s. I want to sort it out.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Sorry, I broke Tom’s controller. It was me, and I’d like to help replace it.”
To the adult in charge, whether that’s the friend’s parent, a relative or a carer. It gets the grown-ups involved in fixing it, so it doesn’t land on the two children alone.
What you can say next
- “Thank you for telling me. Telling the truth when you’ve broken something is hard.”
- “It was an accident. Now let’s work out how to make it right.”
- “Would you like to use some of your pocket money towards a new one?”
If it keeps happening. If your child keeps breaking things and hiding them, look at what happens when they do own up. Children hide things when the reaction is bigger than the accident. Try keeping your response calm and focused on fixing it, and see whether honesty comes more easily.
Questions parents ask
Should we pay to replace it?
Offer, especially if the toy mattered to the friend. Many parents will say no need. Your child contributing something, even a little pocket money or a drawing, helps them learn from it.
What if the friend gets really angry?
That’s understandable, and your child can say “I get it. I’m sorry,” without arguing. Most children calm down once they see the offer to fix it is real.
My child hid it and it was found later. What now?
Separate the two things: the accident and the hiding. The accident is forgivable. The hiding is what to discuss, calmly, followed by a real apology to the friend.
Is a forced apology worth anything?
A prompted apology still helps repair the friendship, but it doesn’t mend hurt feelings. Offering to fix the toy does that better.
Related situations
Sources
- Neuroscience News (University of Virginia release on Drell & Jaswal, Social Development) — Saying ‘Sorry’ to Kids Mends Relationships, But Doesn’t Heal Hurt (2015): In a study of 6- and 7-year-olds whose towers were knocked over, the only response that made children feel better was restitution; children shared more with a transgressor who offered restitution or an apology than with one who did neither.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.