My child broke a friend’s toy
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 6–14 · Manners, gifts and visits
Owning mistakes and repairing harm
Breaking a friend’s toy can trigger fear of punishment, shame or a temptation to hide the evidence. Adults can use the moment to build honesty and responsibility, which a consequence on its own does not teach.
What is your child learning?
This situation creates opportunities to practise courage, empathy, integrity and responsibility. Listen for whether your child tells the truth first and then offers to fix or replace the toy.
How parents and educators can support the learning
Encourage the child to tell the truth, acknowledge the damage and offer an appropriate repair or replacement with adult help. Avoid labels such as “bad child”; focus on the choice and the next step.
Try asking:
- What might your friend feel when they find out?
- What makes telling the truth difficult?
- How could you put things right?
- What would you hope someone did if they broke your toy?
What your child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 6–8
- “I broke your robot. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”
- Ages 9–11
- “I’ve got to tell you something. I snapped a piece off your robot by accident. I’m really sorry.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Okay, bad news. I dropped your controller and a button’s stuck. That’s on me, sorry.”
If the friend hears it from your child first, there is only a broken toy to deal with. Found later, it becomes a broken toy and a secret.
- Ages 6–8
- “Can we glue it? Or I can give you one of mine.”
- Ages 9–11
- “Can we try to fix it? If not, I’ll ask my mum about getting you a new one.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Let me see if it can be fixed. If not, I’ll sort out a new one.”
The offer to repair or replace it is what makes the other child feel better, more than the apology by itself.
- Ages 6–8
- “Mrs Lee, I broke Tom’s toy by accident.”
- Ages 9–11
- “I need to tell you, I broke something of Tom’s. I want to sort it out.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Sorry, I broke Tom’s controller. It was me, and I’d like to help replace it.”
This is for whichever adult is in charge: the friend’s parent, a relative or a carer. Once the grown-ups know, fixing it doesn’t fall on the two children alone.
The bigger life lesson
Children can own up and offer to make things right even when admitting the mistake feels awkward.
Explore the situation. Discuss the emotions. Practise a response. Build a life skill.
Related situations
Guides for parents on this
Sources
- Neuroscience News (University of Virginia release on Drell & Jaswal, Social Development), Saying ‘Sorry’ to Kids Mends Relationships, But Doesn’t Heal Hurt (2015): In a study of 6- and 7-year-olds whose towers were knocked over, the only response that made children feel better was restitution; children shared more with a transgressor who offered restitution or an apology than with one who did neither.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.