My child doesn’t like the food at a friend’s house. What should they say?
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 6–14 · Manners, gifts and visits
Teach your child two short phrases: “No, thank you” when something is offered, and “I’m not very hungry, but the rice is really nice” when asked directly. They eat what they can and leave the rest quietly. They never have to praise a dish they dislike, and never announce that they dislike it.
The situation, as your child sees it
You’re having dinner at your friend’s house. Their mum puts down a plate of something you’ve never had, and you don’t like the smell. Your friend takes a big bite: “It’s so good!”
Then their mum looks at you. “Do you like it?” Everyone is waiting.
Also happens as: an accidental “Ew!” that makes the table go quiet; a new dish a parent at home is proud of; food that is too spicy.
Three things a child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 6–8
- “No, thank you. Can I have some bread?”
- Ages 9–11
- “I’ll skip the fish, thanks. Could I have a bit more rice?”
- Ages 12–14
- “I’ll pass on the fish, thanks. Is there any more of the salad?”
For when food is being served. Asking for something else on the table keeps it polite and means your child still eats something.
- Ages 6–8
- “I like the potatoes!”
- Ages 9–11
- “I’m not used to this, but the potatoes are really good.”
- Ages 12–14
- “It’s not what I usually eat, but the potatoes are great, thanks.”
For the direct “Do you like it?” It is honest about something on the plate, and the older version quietly explains why they’re eating slowly.
- Ages 6–8
- “Sorry! I didn’t mean to say that.”
- Ages 9–11
- “Sorry, that came out wrong. It’s just new to me.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Sorry, that was rude. I’ve just never had it before.”
For the moment after an accidental “yuck”. A quick apology fixes most of the awkwardness. Explaining at length makes it bigger.
What you can say next
- “You don’t have to eat everything. Try a bite, eat what you can, and say thank you at the end.”
- “If you really can’t, a quiet ‘no thank you’ is fine. We’re not cross.”
- “What would you say if they ask whether you liked it?”
If it keeps happening. If your child refuses to go to friends’ houses because of food, or the list of foods they will eat is very short, mention it to the host parent before the visit (“she’s a plain eater, bread is fine”) and raise it with your family doctor if it is affecting how much they eat overall.
Questions parents ask
Should my child have to try a bite?
Encouraging one or two bites is reasonable. Forcing more tends to make mealtimes harder, especially at someone else’s house.
Should I warn the host about foods my child won’t eat?
For a young or very selective child, a short heads-up to the host is helpful and avoids a scene. For an older child, practising the lines above is often enough.
What about allergies?
An allergy is different. Your child should say it plainly (“I can’t eat nuts, I’m allergic”) and you should tell the host in advance.
Does the same advice work at home?
Mostly. When a parent has cooked something new, “Thanks for making dinner. I don’t love the sauce” is honest and kind. At home, children can be a bit more direct.
Related situations
Sources
- Nemours KidsHealth — How should I deal with a picky eater? (reviewed January 2021) (2021): Encourage a child to try the foods served but do not force them to eat; asking for a couple of bites is fine, and it is OK if the child eats no more than that.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.