How can my child react to a gift they don’t like?
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 6–14 · Manners, gifts and visits
Balancing honesty with consideration for others
Receiving an unwanted gift puts a child in a small social bind: a child may feel pressure to pretend or may speak so bluntly that they hurt the giver.
What is your child learning?
This situation creates opportunities to practise empathy, self-management, relationship skills and responsibility. Listen for whether your child can thank the giver without pretending or being blunt.
How parents and educators can support the learning
Practise thanking someone for their thoughtfulness without pretending to love the item. Discuss how to handle duplicates or exchanges privately with an adult.
Try asking:
- Why might the giver be excited?
- What can you genuinely thank them for?
- What might hurt their feelings?
- How could you handle the gift later?
What your child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 6–8
- “Thank you for my present!”
- Ages 9–11
- “Thank you for thinking of me, that’s really kind.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Thanks, that’s really nice of you.”
Your child is thanking the person for the effort, which holds whether or not they like the gift, so there is nothing to fake or take back later.
- Ages 6–8
- “Ooh, it’s really soft!”
- Ages 9–11
- “I like the colour. Where did you find it?”
- Ages 12–14
- “Oh, I haven’t seen one like this before. Where’s it from?”
A single honest detail sounds warmer than a vague “I love it”. Asking where it came from moves the attention to the giver, which is what they wanted anyway.
- Ages 6–8
- “I have one like this! Now I have two.”
- Ages 9–11
- “I actually have this one already. Would it be okay if I swapped it for something?”
- Ages 12–14
- “Funny, I already got this one. Would you mind if I swapped it?”
Only for a duplicate, and only with close family or a friend, where a warm, honest word about swapping is practical. With someone they barely know, a plain thank-you is enough.
The bigger life lesson
Your child can thank someone for the thought behind a gift without pretending to love it.
Explore the situation. Discuss the emotions. Practise a response. Build a life skill.
Related situations
Sources
- Today’s Parent, How to teach your kids to appear grateful (even if they aren’t) (updated December 2017): Explaining that a thank-you is appreciation for the time someone spent thinking of you makes the thanks genuine whatever the gift is; over-coaching a fixed line such as “I love it” can backfire.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.