How can my child react to a gift they don’t like?
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 6–14 · Manners, gifts and visits
Teach your child to thank the person for the thought, not to rate the gift: “Thank you for thinking of me!” It is true whatever is in the box, so they don’t have to fake loving it. Add one real detail (the colour, the wrapping) and put it down. Save honest reactions for later, at home.
The situation, as your child sees it
It’s a family party and someone you don’t know very well hands you a present. Everyone turns to watch. You open it and it’s something you really don’t like.
They are smiling, waiting to see your face. You don’t want to lie, but you don’t want to hurt them either.
Also happens as: a present from a grandparent; a gift you already have; a friend asking “Do you love it?”.
Three things a child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 6–8
- “Thank you for my present!”
- Ages 9–11
- “Thank you for thinking of me, that’s really kind.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Thanks, that’s really nice of you.”
It thanks the person for the effort, which is true whether or not your child likes the gift. There is nothing to fake and nothing to take back.
- Ages 6–8
- “Ooh, it’s really soft!”
- Ages 9–11
- “I like the colour. Where did you find it?”
- Ages 12–14
- “Oh, I haven’t seen one like this before. Where’s it from?”
One honest detail sounds warmer than a vague “I love it”. Asking where it came from turns the attention to the giver, which is what they wanted anyway.
- Ages 6–8
- “I have one like this! Now I have two.”
- Ages 9–11
- “I actually have this one already. Would it be okay if I swapped it for something?”
- Ages 12–14
- “Funny, I already got this one. Would you mind if I swapped it?”
For a duplicate, and only when the giver is close family or a friend. Said warmly, it is honest and practical. For someone they barely know, a plain thank-you is enough.
What you can say next
- “You were kind back there. That wasn’t easy with everyone watching.”
- “It’s fine not to like it. You still said thank you, and that’s what matters.”
- “What could we do with it? Keep it, swap it, or give it to someone who’d like it?”
If it keeps happening. If your child finds these moments really stressful (freezing, tears, dreading parties), practise before the next big occasion: you hand over a silly wrapped object and they try the lines. Making it a game takes the pressure off the real moment.
Questions parents ask
Isn’t “thank you for thinking of me” a white lie?
No. Your child is thanking the person for the thought and the effort, which is real. They are not claiming to love the gift.
Should I tell my child to say “I love it”?
It tends to backfire. Children who have one scripted phrase freeze when they actually do love a gift, or say it in a flat voice that sounds rude. Thanking the giver works in every case.
What if my child makes a face before they can stop it?
It happens. A quick “Sorry, I was surprised. Thank you!” recovers most moments. At home, a calm chat works better than a telling-off in front of family.
Should my child write a thank-you note?
For relatives or anyone who sent a gift from afar, yes. A short note or drawing that thanks them for thinking of your child is enough. It doesn’t need to praise the gift.
Related situations
Sources
- Today’s Parent — How to teach your kids to appear grateful (even if they aren’t) (updated December 2017) (2017): Explaining that a thank-you is appreciation for the time someone spent thinking of you makes the thanks genuine whatever the gift is; over-coaching a fixed line such as “I love it” can backfire.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.