My child didn’t make the team
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 6–14 · Setbacks and sport
Coping with setbacks while maintaining motivation
When your child didn’t make the team, let them be disappointed first, then help them pick one next step: asking the coach what to work on, practising, or trying another team. Not making a team can feel like a public verdict on ability, especially when friends made it.
What is your child learning?
This situation creates opportunities to practise resilience, confidence, courage and self-awareness. Listen for whether your child can say how disappointed they are and still think of a next step.
How parents and educators can support the learning
Give space for disappointment, then help the child decide whether to ask for constructive feedback, practise a skill or explore another opportunity. Avoid rushing to minimise the loss.
Try asking:
- What mattered most about making the team?
- What part of the result can you influence?
- What feedback could help?
- How can you congratulate a friend while feeling disappointed?
What your child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 6–8
- “Coach, what can I practise for next time?”
- Ages 9–11
- “Could you tell me one or two things to work on before next season?”
- Ages 12–14
- “Is there anything specific I should work on before the next tryouts?”
Best asked a day or two later, away from the moment itself. A specific question gets a useful answer, and the coach sees your child is serious.
- Ages 6–8
- “Well done! You played really well.”
- Ages 9–11
- “Congrats, you earned it. I’ll come and watch.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Congrats, you deserved it. You’ll smash it.”
This is for the friend who got in. Said early and simply, it keeps things from getting awkward between them, and your child can say it while still feeling jealous.
- Ages 6–8
- “I’m sad I didn’t get in, but I’ll try again.”
- Ages 9–11
- “Yeah, didn’t make it this time. Going to keep training.”
- Ages 12–14
- “Nah, didn’t get in. Trying again next year.”
When classmates ask, a short, plain answer closes the topic, and it takes less effort than pretending not to care.
The bigger life lesson
A setback describes how one tryout went. Children can keep improving after it.
Explore the situation. Discuss the emotions. Practise a response. Build a life skill.
Related situations
Guides for parents on this
Sources
- Raising Children Network (Australia), How to help kids & teens enjoy sport (last updated or reviewed December 2025): A child can control the effort they put into sport but not the result; children often feel disappointment in sport, and parents can help by focusing on what the child is doing well rather than comparisons with others.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.