My child’s best friend has a new best friend
By the Life Scenario team · Updated · For parents of children 8–14 · Friendship and being left out
Help your child say what they miss, once and without blame: “I miss hanging out with you. Want to do something Saturday?” Then encourage them to be friendly to the new kid rather than compete with them. If the friend still drifts, it hurts, and your child needs other friendships to lean on.
The situation, as your child sees it
You and your best friend used to do everything together: after school, weekends, the same seat on the bus. Now there is a new kid, and when you call for your friend they say, “I’ve got someone over today. Maybe another time.”
Later you see them laughing together. Your friend still says hi, but it feels like you have been swapped out, and you wonder if they like the new kid more than you.
Also happens as: the friend next door; a friend who joins another group at recess; a friend who stops messaging and posts photos with someone new.
Three things a child could say
Example replies, written for this page. They are not scored answers and not answers from real children.
- Ages 6–8
- “I miss playing with you. Can we play tomorrow?”
- Ages 9–11
- “I miss hanging out with you. Want to do something Saturday, just us?”
- Ages 12–14
- “Feels like I never see you anymore. Free Saturday?”
It says the true thing (I miss you) and ends with a concrete plan. The friend can say yes without admitting they did anything wrong.
- Ages 6–8
- “Hi, I’m Sam. Can I play too?”
- Ages 9–11
- “Hey, what are you two building? Can I help?”
- Ages 12–14
- “Hey, mind if I sit with you guys?”
Said to both of them, including the new kid. Joining the pair often works better than trying to win the friend back from a rival.
- Ages 6–8
- “Okay. See you at school.”
- Ages 9–11
- “No worries, have fun. Text me later?”
- Ages 12–14
- “All good. Message me when you’re free.”
For the day the answer is “not today”. A calm exit keeps the door open and saves your child from a scene they would regret.
What you can say next
- “It makes sense you feel pushed out. You two were really close.”
- “Friendships change a lot at this age. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.”
- “Who else do you like spending time with? Let’s invite them.”
If it keeps happening. If the friend is now leaving your child out on purpose or saying unkind things about them, that is a different problem. Ask the teacher how the children are getting on at school, and help your child build one or two other friendships outside that pair.
Questions parents ask
Should I arrange a playdate with the old best friend?
One invitation is fine, and it can reset things. If the friend keeps saying no, stop pushing. It helps more to invite other children your child enjoys.
Is it normal for best friends to change at this age?
Yes. Children aged 6–14 often move between friends and groups as their interests change. That is common, but it can still hurt a lot.
My child is angry at the new kid. What do I say?
Accept the feeling and not the plan: “You can feel jealous. You still need to be kind to them.” The new kid usually did nothing wrong.
What if my child keeps texting the friend and gets no reply?
Agree on a simple rule together: one message, then wait. Chasing a friend who has gone quiet usually pushes them further away and leaves your child feeling worse.
Related situations
Sources
- Nemours KidsHealth — Helping kids cope with cliques (reviewed June 2023) (2023): Parents can help a child who feels left out by reminding them of times they were angry with friends or siblings and how quickly things changed, and by encouraging friendships with people they can confide in, laugh with and trust.
- Raising Children Network (Australia) — Children, friends and friendships: FAQs (2025): Primary-school children often have disagreements with friends and usually sort them out quickly; parents can listen first, suggest ideas such as playing in a larger group or role-playing saying sorry, and ask the teacher if it seems to be an ongoing problem. Not being invited to many parties is not in itself a cause for worry.
The example replies on this page were written by the Life Scenario team for illustration. They are not answers from children and are not scores.