“My child has no friends. Should I change schools?”
Life Scenario team · Published · Ages 6–14
My child has no friends: should I change schools?
Change schools if your child is unsafe or the school will not act. If the problem is loneliness, first find out which part of the day is hard, ask the school for specific help and set a review date. Even at a new school your child needs a first line: “Can I sit here?”
Practise a situation like this with your child — no sign-up →
Key takeaways
- A child begging to leave is telling you how bad the day feels. Take that seriously even if moving is not possible yet.
- Find out whether this is loneliness or someone treating your child badly. The answers lead to different decisions.
- Ask the current school for named, specific help and a date to review it.
- Moving can be the right choice. It works better when the child also has a way to start conversations in the new place.
- Whatever you decide, build one friendship outside school. It makes either school easier.
Will a fresh start fix it?
Sometimes it does. A child who has been stuck with the same thirty classmates since age five, in a year group where the friendships set early, can do far better among new faces. Raising Children Network, the Australian parenting site, is reassuring about the move itself: children are adaptable, and most manage a change of school quite happily when they are prepared for it.
Sometimes the problem travels. If your child does not know how to join a game or start a conversation, they will arrive at the new school with the same gap and no history. And if the trouble is how other children are treating them, the current school needs to deal with that, wherever your child ends up.
You are far from alone in facing this. In a 2024 national poll by C.S. Mott Children's Hospital at the University of Michigan, nearly one in five parents of children aged 6 to 12 said their child had no friends or not enough. Parents of older children were more likely to say the obstacle was that other children already had their friend groups.
3 things to find out before you decide
Is someone hurting your child, or is your child alone? Ask what actually happens. “Nobody plays with me” can mean nobody asks, or it can mean a group has decided to shut them out, mock them or turn others against them. The second is bullying, and it needs the school to act now.
Which part of the day is the hard part? Many children are fine in lessons and miserable for the forty minutes of lunch. Ask your child to walk you through a day. Then ask the teacher what they see at lunch and recess, because a teacher's view of the classroom may not include the playground.
What has the school tried so far? If the honest answer is nothing, because nobody has asked, there is a step left before you move. If the school has been asked clearly and has done little, that tells you something too. If your child does not want to go to school at all, deal with that first, because it changes the timetable for everything else.
5 things your child can say when school feels lonely
1.“Lunch is the worst part.”
Said to you or to a teacher. It turns “I hate school” into one place and one time, which is something adults can actually change.
2.“Can you help me find someone to sit with?”
Said to a teacher or lunch supervisor. Many schools can pair a child with a buddy or a group, but someone has to ask.
3.“Can I sit here?”
The first line at either school. Practice it at home until it is automatic, because a new school does not remove the need to say it.
4.“I want things to change, even if I stay.”
For a child who is not sure about moving. It tells you that the request is about the loneliness and that the building is secondary.
5.“Can we visit before we decide?”
For the new school. A visit lets your child ask their own questions and picture where they would stand at recess.
Whichever school your child is in, there will be a moment when the group goes quiet around them and they have to choose what to say. In Life Scenario your child hears a moment like this one: more and more of your friends have been ignoring you, and you don't know why. They answer in their own words, get gentle feedback and can try again.
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What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
| “You can't run away from your problems.” | “Tell me what you want to get away from.” | A child asking to leave is describing something real. Finding out what it is comes before any verdict on leaving. |
| “You'll make loads of friends at the new school.” | “We'll ask how they help new kids settle in.” | You cannot promise other children. You can promise to check what support there is. |
| “Just try harder to join in.” | “What happens when you try? Show me.” | Your child may have tried many times. Seeing exactly what they do tells you whether it is a skill gap or a closed group. |
| “We're not moving, and that's final.” | “I'm asking the school for changes. We'll look again in three weeks.” | A flat no leaves your child with no hope. A plan with a date gives them something to hold on to. |
| “If this school doesn't work either, I don't know what we'll do.” | “We'll keep working on it together, wherever you are.” | A child should not carry the job of making the move succeed. |
What do I say to the current school?
Describe what your child told you, in their words, and ask what staff see at lunch and recess. Raising Children Network suggests going to the teacher when home strategies have not helped, because the teacher can say what is going on and suggest ways to help a child feel included, including a buddy system where the school has one.
Then ask for things you could check next week. Who will your child sit with at lunch? Is there a lunchtime club or a job they could have? Which adult do they go to when it goes wrong? When will you speak again? Vague goodwill does not change a lunch break. A named child, a named adult and a date do.
If your child is being bullied, the conversation is different. StopBullying.gov, the US government site, advises parents and schools to work together to protect the child, and it is clear that if bigger moves are needed, such as switching classrooms, the child who is bullied should not be the one forced to change. It also tells adults to be persistent and follow up. Ask the school what it will do and when.
When is changing schools the right call?
When your child is not safe and the school has not fixed it after being clearly asked. When the year group is so small or so settled that there is nobody left to try. When your child has wanted it steadily for months and not only on bad mornings. When a move is happening anyway and you can choose the timing.
It is a weaker reason when the difficulty started a fortnight ago, when one friendship has just ended, or when your child has not yet had any help with the first step of joining in. In those cases, give the current school a short, defined period with specific support, and decide at the end of it.
A move is not a failure, and your child should not have to earn it by enduring a bad year. It is one of several reasonable tools.
What do I say when we have decided to move?
Bring your child into it. Raising Children Network recommends involving children in choosing and preparing: visit the school together before the first day if you can, ask them to list what they are looking forward to and what worries them, and ask the principal how the school helps new students settle, for example with a buddy. It also suggests a review meeting with the teacher within the first week or two.
Use the weeks before the move to practice the part that did not work last time. Rehearse what to say when nobody will play, and read about how friendships actually begin, which is slower than children expect. For an older child, see making friends in middle school. Three or four conversation starters, practiced until they are easy, are worth more than a new backpack.
Keep one thread to the old life if there was anyone kind: a neighbor, a cousin, one classmate. And start one activity outside school in the new place. The Child Mind Institute's advice for lonely children is to find a group built around something the child is interested in, and Raising Children Network notes that friends outside school can lift a child's confidence when school friendships are hard.
What if moving does not solve it?
What if my child begs every morning?
Believe that mornings are awful and separate that from the decision. “I hear you. I'm meeting your teacher on Thursday, and we decide after that.” A date gives you both something firmer than a daily argument at the door.
What if the same thing happens at the new school?
Then you have learned that the difficulty is in the joining, and that is useful. Ask the new teacher what they notice, and put the effort into practice and one structured activity where your child sees the same children every week. Ask the school counselor or your doctor whether more support would help.
What if the school says everything is fine?
Ask about specific times: “Who was she with at lunch on Tuesday?” Classrooms can look fine while lunch does not. Ask for someone to observe a break time and report back, and agree a date to speak again.
What if my child seems very low?
A child who has stopped eating or sleeping properly, has lost interest in everything, or says they do not want to be here needs more than a school decision. Contact your child's doctor promptly. If you think they may hurt themselves, stay with them and call your local emergency number.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Friendships at this age form around who is nearby, so a teacher changing seats or pairing children can fix a great deal. Try that before thinking about a move, and practice one joining line. | “Can I play too?” |
| 9–11 | Groups harden and a child can be left outside all of them. Ask the school for a buddy and a lunchtime role, and start an outside activity. If the group is actively shutting your child out, treat it as bullying. | “Can you help me find someone to sit with?” |
| 12–14 | A move matters more to a teenager and they must be part of the decision. Changes of school that happen anyway, such as the step up to secondary, are natural fresh starts. Ask what they want from a new place. | “I want things to change, even if I stay.” |
Key terms
- Fresh start
- Beginning at a new school where nobody knows your child's history. It removes a reputation and does not, in itself, add skills.
- Exclusion
- Being deliberately kept out by a group. When it is repeated and deliberate, treat it as bullying and involve the school.
- Buddy system
- A school arrangement that pairs a child with a classmate or older student who helps them find company and join in.
- Review date
- A day agreed with the school on which you will look at whether the support has worked, and decide the next step.
Give your child 5 free practice scenarios
No card to start. No subscription, ever.
Try one short round together. Your child hears a situation such as being ignored by more and more friends without knowing why, says what they would do, and gets gentle feedback with a chance to try again. You get a few prompts for a short conversation afterward.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
Is it a good idea to change schools because my child has no friends?
It can be, particularly when the year group is small, friendships have been fixed for years, or the school has not responded. It works less well when the child has not yet had help with joining in, because that difficulty moves with them.
Will my child make friends at a new school?
Nobody can promise that. What improves the odds is preparation: a visit beforehand, a buddy arranged by the school, a few practiced opening lines and one activity outside school. Raising Children Network says most children manage a move to a new school quite happily.
How long should we try before changing schools?
If your child is unsafe, do not wait. For loneliness, ask the school for specific support and agree a review date a few weeks ahead. If nothing has changed by then and your child still wants to leave, a move is a reasonable next step.
What do I say when my child begs to be homeschooled?
“It sounds like school feels unbearable right now. Tell me which part.” Treat the request as a description of how bad it is. Homeschooling is a big decision in its own right, so explore the school options first.
Should my child have a say in changing schools?
Yes. Raising Children Network advises involving children in choosing and moving schools, including visiting and discussing what they look forward to and worry about. Children are happier about a move when they feel their needs counted.
What do I say to my child on the first day at the new school?
Keep it small: “Today's job is to learn two names and ask one person a question.” Agree the question in advance. Do not ask at pick-up whether they made friends. Ask who they sat near.
Can I change my child's school in the middle of the year?
In many places yes, but the rules depend on your country, district and the school's available places. Ask the school you want and your local education office.
Sources
- Raising Children Network (Australia) — Moving schools: how to make it easier (2025): Parents can prepare a child by involving them in choosing and moving schools, visiting beforehand, asking the principal about strategies such as a buddy system and setting up a review meeting within the first 1–2 weeks; children are adaptable and most manage a move quite happily.
- Raising Children Network (Australia) — How to help your child make friends (2025): If home strategies are not helping, parents should talk with the teacher, who can say what is going on and suggest ways to help the child feel included; friends outside school can boost a child's confidence during friendship issues at school.
- C.S. Mott Children's Hospital National Poll on Children's Health, University of Michigan — Facilitating friendships: Parents' role (Vol 46, Issue 1) (2024): Nearly 1 in 5 parents (19%) of children aged 6–12 say their child has no friends or not enough friends; parents of older children were more likely to say difficulties were related to other kids already having friend groups (21% vs 13%).
- StopBullying.gov — Support the Children Involved (accessed 2026): Adults should work together to resolve bullying and protect the child; if bigger moves such as switching classrooms are necessary, the child who is bullied should not be forced to change; adults should be persistent and follow up.
- Child Mind Institute — How to Help Kids Who Are Lonely (accessed 2026): Parents should slow down and listen first, and can help a lonely child find a group or activity that matches their interests; a clinician can help when a child is struggling with in-person socializing.
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