“Everyone already has their friends”: starting a new school mid-year, the first two weeks and what to say on day one
Life Scenario team · Updated · Ages 6–14
How do I help my child start a new school in the middle of the year?
Give your child one line for day one: “Hi, I’m Sam, I’m new. What’s this class like?” Being new is a reason to ask questions, so use it. Then plan the first two weeks: one person, one lunch spot, one club, and a check-in with the teacher.
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Key takeaways
- Joining mid-year is harder than starting in September because groups have already formed. Your child is looking for one person, and a whole group can come later.
- Being new gives your child a reason to ask questions for about two weeks, and it is the easiest opener they will get.
- Aim for small, concrete wins in the first two weeks: learn two names, find a lunch spot, sign up for one activity.
- Ask the school for a buddy and a check-in after one or two weeks. Many schools will arrange both if you ask.
- After a move abroad, expect settling in to take months. If your child is still withdrawn or refusing school well into the first term, get help.
Why joining mid-year is harder
At the start of the school year everyone is a little new. Classes are mixed up, seats aren’t fixed, and children are looking around for someone to sit with. A few months in, the groups have formed, the jokes have history, and nobody is looking. Your child has arrived after the easy part, which says nothing about how likeable they are.
Relocation adds more. After a move across the country or to another country, your child may be missing friends back home, getting used to a new accent or language, and noticing that some classmates switch to a language they don’t speak. Some children stay half-invested for months, talking about “when we go home”. At international schools children come and go every term, so friendships can form quickly and end just as quickly when a family leaves.
Most children do settle. What helps is a few ready lines, a plan for the first two weeks, and adults at school who know your child is new. For a child of 11 and up, the guide to making friends in middle school covers the older version of this.
4 things your child can say on day one
1.“Hi, I’m Sam. I’m new.”
Saying it first takes away the awkward moment where others wonder who your child is. Most children respond kindly to a newcomer who introduces themselves.
2.“What’s this class like?”
The newcomer’s question. It gives the other child something easy to answer and lets them be the expert, which people enjoy.
3.“Where do people go at lunch?”
A practical question that often turns into an invitation. It also saves your child from standing in the doorway of the lunch hall wondering where to go.
4.“Can I sit with you today?”
The word “today” makes it a small ask. It asks for one lunch, so saying yes is easy, and it doesn’t commit anyone to a friendship yet.
Saying “Hi, I’m new” to a table of children who all know each other is much harder than reading it, so let your child try a moment like it first: a group where everyone else already knows each other.
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The first two weeks, step by step
Before day one, follow Raising Children Network’s advice on moving schools: walk around the school with your child if you can, so they know where the bathrooms, lunch hall and their classroom are. Find out whether they have the right uniform, sports kit and equipment, because turning up without the kit everyone else has makes a new child stand out. Ask the school if a buddy can show them around, and whether any children live nearby.
Days one to five: your child’s job is to learn names and ask questions. Ask each evening “Whose name did you learn today?” rather than “Did you make friends?” Two names by Friday is a good week. Expect them to be tired and a bit short-tempered. A new school is exhausting.
Week two: move from questions to one repeat contact. Your child sits with the same person twice, or chooses the same partner in class. Look at clubs, teams and lunchtime activities, which are the quickest way into a group that has already formed because they give everyone something to do together. If turning up to a team for the first time is the hurdle, see the guide to a shy child’s first team practice. Ask the teacher for a short check-in at the end of the second week to hear how things look from the classroom.
What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
“Did you make any friends?” | “Whose name did you learn today?” | Friends take weeks. Names are a small win your child can have every day. |
“You’ll be fine, kids are resilient.” | “Starting in the middle of the year is hard. What was the hardest bit today?” | Reassurance can sound like you haven’t heard; naming the hard part lets your child tell you about it. |
“Just join in.” | “Ask someone where people go at lunch.” | A specific question is something your child can do tomorrow. |
“You’ll forget your old friends soon.” | “Let’s set up a video call with Leo on Saturday.” | Keeping old friendships going makes it easier to invest in new ones. |
“Stop saying you want to go home.” | “What do you miss most?” | A child who is allowed to say they miss home is more likely to tell you how the new place is going too. |
What do I say when my child says everyone already has friends?
Agree that it’s true, because it is: “Yes, the groups have been together since September.” Then shrink the goal. Your child doesn’t need to get into a group this week. They need one person. Ask who sits alone sometimes, who seems friendly, who is also into soccer or drawing. Children on the edge of a group, or other recent arrivals, are the most likely first friends. If lunch is the hardest part of the day, the guide to sitting alone at lunch has openers for the lunch hall.
Then practise the opener with that one child in mind. Play the classmate and give short answers, so your child gets used to asking a second question. Child Mind Institute describes the same method for socially anxious children: script a simple opener and role-play it, so the real moment feels less new. Keep it brief. If your child is exhausted after school, leave it for the weekend.
What if settling in is taking longer?
What if they come home saying nobody talked to them?
Ask about small moments before the big picture: who they sat near, who lent them a pencil, who said hi. There is usually more than “nobody”. If there really was no contact all week, tell the teacher and ask for a buddy or a seat next to a kind classmate.
What if classmates keep switching to their own language?
It often isn’t meant to exclude, but it still feels lonely. Your child can learn a few phrases in that language and ask to be taught more, which many children love. If it is being used to leave your child out on purpose, mention it to the teacher.
What if my child keeps saying “when we go home”?
Some children hold back from a new place because they believe the move is temporary. Be honest about how long you are staying. Let them keep links with home, and help them find one thing they like about the new place, like a club, a park or a food, that belongs to here.
When is it more than settling in?
Tell the school straight away if your child is refusing to go or crying most mornings; don’t wait for the end of term. See your doctor as well if, after the first term, they are still sleeping or eating very differently, or have lost interest in things they used to enjoy. If your child ever says anything about not wanting to be alive or about being hurt by someone, act on it that day, help them tell a trusted adult, and call emergency services if they are in immediate danger. Childline (UK), Kids Helpline (Australia), Kids Help Phone (Canada) and Childhelp (US) are there for children too.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Young children usually join in through play, so the playground matters more than the classroom. Practise asking to join a game, and ask the teacher to pair your child with a friendly classmate for the first week. | “Hi, I’m new. Can I play too?” |
| 9–11 | Groups are firmer and children notice who is new. Questions about the school work well, and so does a shared interest. A club or team in the first month makes a big difference. | “Is there a soccer club here?” |
| 12–14 | Moving at this age is hard, and many children worry about looking desperate. Casual comments work better than direct asks. Keep old friendships going online, and help your child join one activity where talking isn’t the main point. | “I just moved here. Is the math teacher always like this?” |
Key terms
- Buddy system
- A school arrangement where a classmate shows a new student around and keeps them company for the first days or weeks.
- Settling in
- The weeks or months it takes a child to feel at home at a new school. After a move abroad it can take most of a year.
- Mid-year start
- Joining a school after the start of the school year, when friendship groups and class routines are already in place.
- Third culture kid
- A child who spends a large part of their childhood living outside their parents’ home country, often moving more than once.
Give your child 10 free practice scenarios
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Your child can try the day-one lines before the day itself. They hear moments like joining a group where everyone already knows each other and answer aloud in their own words. Gentle feedback follows, and it gives you something specific to talk about the night before they start.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
What do I say to my child before starting a new school?
Talk through the day: where they will go, who will meet them, where lunch is. Give them one opener, “Hi, I’m new. What’s this class like?”, and agree that learning two names in the first week is a good start.
How long does it take a child to settle into a new school?
It varies a lot. Many children feel comfortable within a few weeks to a term. After a move to another country it can take much longer, sometimes most of the first year. Watch the trend, because small improvements are a good sign.
Is it bad to change schools in the middle of the year?
It is harder socially, because groups have already formed, but it is rarely harmful. Raising Children Network says children and teenagers are very adaptable and most manage a move to a new school quite happily. Preparing your child, telling the school, and planning the first two weeks makes a real difference.
How can my child make friends when groups have already formed?
Look for one person: someone on the edge, another newcomer, or someone with a shared interest. Clubs and teams help most, because they give children something to do together.
What should I ask the new school?
Whether they have a buddy system, which children live nearby, what clubs run at lunch or after school, and whether you can have a short review with the teacher after the first week or two.
My child keeps asking to go back to their old school. What do I say?
Acknowledge it: “You miss it. That makes sense.” Keep old friendships going with calls and visits where you can, and ask what one thing would make the new school feel a little better.
What do I say to my child after the first day at a new school?
Ask one small question: “Whose name did you learn today?” or “What was the hardest bit?” Skip “Did you make friends?”, because friends take weeks and a name is a win your child can have every day. Expect tiredness and a short temper in the first week.
Should I tell the teacher my child is new and nervous?
Yes. Ask for a buddy for the first days, a seat next to a kind classmate, and a short check-in after one or two weeks. Raising Children Network suggests asking the principal what the school does to help new children adjust, such as a buddy system.
Sources
- Raising Children Network (Australia), Moving schools: how to make it easier (2025): It is common for children to resist change and feel stressed about a new school; parents can involve the child, ask the new school about strategies such as a buddy system, walk around the school beforehand, make sure the child has the right equipment and clothes, set up a review meeting within the first 1–2 weeks, and look into extracurricular activities. Most children manage moving schools quite happily.
- Child Mind Institute, Helping Young Children Who Are Socially Anxious (accessed 2026): Going over where an event will be, who will be there and what might happen, along with scripting and role-playing simple openers, makes new social situations feel less new and scary; finding a buddy also helps.
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