Helping expat kids make friends outside school
Life Scenario team · Published · Ages 6–14
How can I help my expat child make friends outside school?
To help expat kids make friends outside school, practice “Will you be here next week?” at a nearby club, library group, or neighborhood game. Arrange repeated contact with children they enjoy, check travel and timing, and keep old friendships available while new ones grow.
No sign-up · about 2 minutes
Key takeaways
- Meeting many children once is different from having a realistic chance to see someone again.
- Start with a person or activity your child enjoys.
- Adults may need to solve transport, scheduling, language, and contact barriers.
- A second invitation is useful when interest is mutual; repeated nonresponses call for another option.
- Take loneliness seriously and help your child find repeated chances to meet people.
The missing part may be seeing the same child again
Your family has tried a camp, a sports session, and a weekend event. Your child played alongside other kids, yet still says they have no friends. Your child may have enjoyed those outings even if a friendship has yet to grow. They may have had no clear way to see a particular child again once the activity ended.
Outside school, the practical gap may be a long bus ride, a weekend schedule, or parents who have yet to exchange contact details. Start close to home: a regular library activity, a neighborhood playground, or a hobby your child already enjoys. Check whether the same children usually attend.
Child Mind Institute's friendship guidance discusses small opportunities around shared interests, and its moving advice recognizes both old and new connections. Use those ideas to make one next meeting possible. The aim is not a full social calendar or a best friend by next month. It is a reasonable opportunity for two children to discover whether they enjoy spending time together.
4 phrases for turning a meeting into another opportunity
1.“Will you be here next week?”
Use this when the child has enjoyed a regular activity with someone. Find out whether the children are likely to meet again.
2.“Would you like to play again?”
Choose this after a shared activity that both children seemed to enjoy. Offer to help with transport and timing.
3.“Can you show me how this game works?”
Try this when unfamiliar rules or language make joining difficult. It gives the other child one small thing they can show yours.
4.“Can our parents arrange a time?”
Practice this when both children want to meet but need adult coordination. Arrange contact through a parent, coach, or other adult you know.
Reading “Will you be here next week” gives your child a starting point. In Life Scenario they try their own words out loud in an awkward situation, get feedback, and can practise more situations like it.
No sign-up · about 2 minutes
What not to say (and what to say instead)
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
“We've taken you everywhere. Why don't you have friends?” | “Who would you like a chance to see again?” | A count of activities does not tell you whether connection was possible, while a question about one person can reveal a specific next step. |
“Just join more clubs.” | “Which place would you actually want to return to?” | Adding activities can create fatigue and more one-off meetings, so ask where the child enjoyed the people or activity enough to try again. |
“Stop thinking about your old friends.” | “We can keep those friendships and make space here.” | Familiar relationships do not have to be removed to create new opportunities, and losing that support may make the move feel harder. |
“You need to fit in with whatever they do.” | “You can look for something you enjoy together.” | Look for something both children enjoy, and take unkind treatment seriously. |
What do I say when my child says they have no friends abroad?
Listen before turning the statement into an action list. Ask what a friend would make easier right now: someone to sit with, someone to play with after school, or a person who remembers them at a regular activity. Those are different needs. A child who is comfortable in class but alone every weekend may need specific family coordination more than another classroom introduction.
Choose one small opportunity for repeat contact. It could be a regular activity already in the week or a short meeting with a child your child has named. Check that the timing, travel, cost, and level of adult involvement work for your family. Avoid treating a distant weekly activity as a social solution if meeting outside it is never feasible.
Rehearse the invitation briefly. You can respond with a yes, a scheduling problem, or a polite no so the child is prepared for more than one outcome. Explain that a no to a particular plan is not a judgment about their worth. If the other family agrees, keep the first arrangement simple enough to repeat and leave room for the children to choose what they enjoy.
Check whether both children want to meet again and whether the families can arrange it. Perhaps both children want another meeting but their parents need a clearer plan; perhaps one child is doing all the asking. Try a different time or activity if the children seem uncomfortable. Ask school staff about daily companionship and language support when those are concerns. Home invitations cannot by themselves repair exclusion or a school routine that repeatedly leaves the child out.
Make the next meeting easy to arrange
At a library craft session, your child might ask which week a friendly child is coming back. At a neighborhood game, you can help the caregivers agree on a short visit. At a sports or hobby club, leave enough time after the session for an ordinary conversation.
For classroom buddies, language support, and lunch arrangements, use making friends at international school. This guide's next step is a repeatable meeting in your local community.
What if the opportunities still do not lead to friends?
What if everyone lives far away?
Be honest about how often your family can manage the trip. Ask about opportunities nearer home or connected to an existing routine. A smaller number of workable meetings may be more useful than an ambitious schedule.
What if other kids switch to a language my child does not know?
Do not assume the language choice is intended to exclude. Ask adults to help make the activity understandable and notice whether your child can participate. Targeted mockery or deliberate exclusion needs attention separately from normal multilingual friendships.
What if my child is the only one making invitations?
Help them pause and consider whether the contact feels mutual. Scheduling can be difficult, but repeated lack of interest is also information. Comfort your child and look for another opportunity to meet people.
When should we seek more support?
Involve school staff when loneliness affects daily participation or when exclusion is reported. Seek health or counseling advice if distress persists or affects sleep, appetite, attendance, or enjoyment. Do not wait for an arbitrary settling-in deadline when the child is struggling.
What to say at 6–8, 9–11 and 12–14
| Age | What changes | Line to try |
|---|---|---|
| 6–8 | Adults can help create repeat contact and guide the first invitation. Keep the activity familiar and short enough for both children. A young child should not be responsible for collecting contact details or coordinating a playdate. | “Will you play this with me again?” |
| 9–11 | Ask which children and activities the child actually enjoys. Practice a follow-up invitation and discuss what a scheduling no can mean. Include their ideas while parents handle the specific arrangements that need adult permission. | “Could we meet after the next session?” |
| 12–14 | Respect the teenager's preferences about where and with whom they connect. Offer transport or help arranging a plan, and let your child choose the company. Discuss realistic ways to keep both old and new relationships in their week. | “Are you coming to this activity again?” |
Key terms
- Repeat contact
- A chance to see the same person regularly.
- Shared interest
- An activity or topic both children enjoy.
- Mutual interest
- Signs that both people want to continue the connection, while allowing for different schedules and ways of showing interest.
Give your child 10 free practice scenarios
No card to start. No subscription, ever.
Try one short round together: your child hears a social situation, answers out loud in their own words, and gets feedback. Some situations include a no, a mistake, or an awkward response to handle. Life Scenario has ten free scenarios, no card to start, and no subscription; you can use the feedback for a short conversation afterward.
Start practising freeQuestions parents ask
How do I help expat kids make friends?
Listen to the child's specific need and look for small repeat contact around an interest they enjoy. Adults may need to coordinate schedules or address language and transport barriers. Avoid measuring progress only by the number of activities attended.
What do I say when my child says they have no friends abroad?
Acknowledge that the days feel lonely and ask which part is hardest. Help identify one person or setting they would like another chance with. Also check whether school support or adult action on exclusion is needed.
How long does it take to make friends after moving?
There is no fixed timeline that fits every child and setting. Opportunities, language, interests, and existing groups all affect the experience. Look at whether the child has access to connection and whether distress is increasing.
Should I arrange lots of playdates?
Choose invitations your child wants and your family can manage. More meetings do not automatically produce closer relationships. Keep the first plans simple and notice whether both children want another one.
What if my child rejects every new activity?
Ask what feels unappealing or difficult instead of assuming they refuse to adjust. They may be tired, uncertain about the format, or missing something specific. Consider a smaller familiar opportunity before adding a different commitment.
Do new friends have to come from the same country?
No. Shared interests and a welcoming setting can matter more than nationality. Your child may enjoy friendships across backgrounds as well as the comfort of a shared language.
Sources
- Child Mind Institute, Kids Who Need a Little Help to Make Friends (accessed 2026): Manageable social opportunities, shared interests, and preparation can help children who need support with friendship.
- Child Mind Institute, Advice for Moving With Children (accessed 2026): Moving can disrupt familiar relationships; families can support both old connections and participation in the new community.
- Child Mind Institute, How to Help Kids Who Are Lonely (accessed 2026): Listening to a child's loneliness and helping with suitable opportunities is more useful than assuming a large social circle is required.
Published